You Might be a Redneck Jedi If….. You ever heard the phrase, “May the force be with ya’ll.” Your Jedi robe is camouflage. You have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Bud Light. At least one wing of your X-Wings is primer colored. You can easily describe the taste of an …
Top 10 Signs You’re At A Redneck Wedding 10. Rehearsal dinner held at Hooters 9. Instead of “Friends of the bride or friends of the groom?” ushers ask “Ford Or Chevy?” 8. Bridesmaids: Pink Tube Tops Groomsmen: Travis Tritt T-Shirts 7. Phrase “I Do” replaced by “I Heard That” 6. Tender rendition of “The Wedding …
It has come to our attention that a few copies of the Alabama edition of Windows 98 may have accidentally been shipped outside Alabama. If you have one of the Alabama editions you may need some help understanding the commands. The Alabama edition may be recognized by looking at the opening screen. It reads WINDERS …
You may be a High Tech Redneck if…. (Apologies to Jeff Foxworthy) you have old computers up on blocks in the front yard. your e-mail address ends in “over.yonder.com.” you connect to the World Wide Web via a “Down Home Page.” the bumper sticker on your truck says “My other computer is a laptop.” your …
Dear ya’ll: I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer be able to serve your area on Christmas Eve. Due to recent changes in my union contract renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209, I now serve only certain areas of northern Wisconsin and west Michigan. I also get …
In a small Southern town there was a Nativity Scene that showed great skill and talent had gone into creating it. One small feature bothered me: The three wise men were wearing firemen’s helmets. Totally unable to come up with a reason or explanation, I left. At a “Quik Stop” on the edge of town, …
Log On: Making a wood stove hotter. Log Off: Don’t add no more wood. Monitor: Keeping an eye on the wood stove. Download: Gettin’ the farwood off the truk. Mega Hertz: When yer not keerful gettin’ the farwood. Floppy Disc: Whutcha git from tryin’ ta carry too much farwood. Ram: That thar thing whut splits …
The Redneck Dictionary of Medical Terms Benign: What you be after you be eight. Artery: The study of paintings. Bacteria: Back door to cafeteria. Barium: What doctors do when patients die. Cesarean Section: A neighborhood in Rome. CATscan: Searching for kitty. Cauterize: Made eye contact with her. Colic: A sheep dog. Coma: A punctuation mark. …
Last Name: ________________ First name: (Check appropriate box): (_) Billy-Bob (_) Billy-Joe (_) Billy-Ray (_) Billy-Sue (_) Billy-Mae (_) Billy-Jack (_) Billy Age: ____, if known Sex: ____ M _____ F _____ N/A Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right Occupation: (phonetic spellings available) (_) Farmer (_) Mechanic (_) Hair Dresser (_) Un-employed Spouse’s Name: __________________________ …
You might be a Federation Redneck if… ….he sets the fore viewscreen to reruns of “Bassmaster.” ….he programs the food replicator for beer, ribs, and turnip greens. ….he paints the starship John Deere green. ….he refers to a Pulsar as a “Blue Light Special. ….he refers to the Mutara Nebula as a “swamp.” ….his moonshine …
