Thought you guys would get a kick out of this: The Office of Personnel Management for the federal government today announced the 2000 holiday schedule for federal employees: There will be two less holidays in D.C. next year. Halloween and Thanksgiving have been canceled. The witch is moving to New York and she’s taking the …
CLINTON DEPLOYS VOWELS TO BOSNIA. CITIES OF SJLBVDNZV, GRZNY TO BE FIRST. Before an emergency joint session of Congress today President Clinton announced US plans to deploy over 75,000 vowels to the war-torn region of Bosnia. The deployment, the largest of its kind in American history, will provide the region with the critically needed letters …
6 Presidents on a sinking boat Ford says: “What do we do” Bush says: “Man the lifeboats” Reagan says: “What lifeboats” Carter says: “Women first” Nixon says: “Screw the women” Clinton says: “You think we have time?” Date: Mon, 13 Sep 1999 11:56:34 -0500
Your blood pressure skyrockets when tourists are standing immobile on the left side of the escalator. You would rather suffer heatstroke than drink the city water. You never refer to your boss by their name, just as their title preceded by “the” (The Secretary, The Senator, The Partner) You find yourself saying “but it’s only …
Bill Clinton and Al Gore go into a local diner for lunch. As they read the menu the waitress comes over and asks Clinton, “Are you ready to order?” Clinton replies, “Yes, I’d like a quickie.” “A quickie?!?” the waitress replies. “Sir, given the current situation of your personal life I don’t think that is …
True story………. Have any of you heard how Al Gore lives a Christ centered life? He gave a big speech this week about how his faith is “so important” to him. Well, the funny part is, he said his favorite Bible verse is “John 16:3”. Of course, the speech writer meant “John3:16” but Al & …
Socialism — If you have 2 cows, you give one to your neighbor. Communism — If you have 2 cows, you give them to the government; and the government gives you some milk. Fascism — If you have 2 cows, you keep the cows but give the milk to the government, who then sells you …
President Clinton is arriving back in D.C. after a trip to his home state of Arkansas. He steps out of the plane carrying two pigs, one under each arm. When he reaches the bottom of the stairs the Marine sharply salutes him as usual. Clinton says: “I’d salute you back son, but as you can …
The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the …
A little boy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened. Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100. When the postal authorities received the letter to GOD USA, they decided to sent it to President Clinton. The President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his …
