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Michael Boyd Clark, MichaelClark.name

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Archive of posts filed under the Computers and Technology category.

Y2K Solution

20 December 1999, 11:11 am

To all in-house computer users. As some of you know we have been having various hardware and software problems, especially installing some of our new software. I have not been able to fix many of these and I have thus become very frustrated. With that in mind and because of heightened concern over Y2K problems, …

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Filed under Computers and Technology

Some New Viruses

10 December 1999, 5:00 pm

BOBBIT VIRUS: Removes a vital part of your hard disk then re-attaches it. (But that part will never work again.) OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands back to 200MB. AT&T VIRUS: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting. MCI VIRUS: Every …

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Filed under Computers and Technology, Lists

Spell Checker

3 December 1999, 5:00 pm

I have a spell checker It came with my PC It plane lee marks four my revue Miss steaks aye can knot see Eye ran this poem threw it Your sure real glad two no Its very polished in its own weigh My chequer tolled me sew A cheek or is a blessing It freeze …

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Filed under Computers and Technology

WARNING!!! Y2K Compliant.

16 November 1999, 2:35 pm

Please take time out of your busy lives to check your toilet paper stockpile. Make sure it is Y2K compliant. Word has it, if it isn’t, come January 1, 2000, it will roll back to 1900, then turn into a Sears Roebuck Catalog(s).

Filed under Computers and Technology

Bill Gates Joke

26 October 1999, 12:29 pm

Bill Gates dies in a car accident. He finds himself being sized up by God…. “Well, Bill, I’m really confused on this call. I’m not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you helped society enormously by putting a computer in almost every home in America, yet you also stole Windows …

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Filed under Computers and Technology, Religion

Bill Gates is the Devil

2 October 1999, 10:34 am

Numbers can be used to prove anything it seems. Here is one of the strangest I’ve seen lately. Proof that Bill Gates is the Devil: The real name of “the” Bill Gates is William Henry Gates III. Nowadays he is known as Bill Gates (III), where “III” means the order of third (3rd.) By converting …

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Filed under Computers and Technology

Abort, Retry, Ignore?

1 October 1999, 4:00 pm

Once upon a midnight dreary, fingers cramped and vision bleary, System manuals piled high and wasted paper on the floor, Longing for the warmth of bed sheets, still I sat there doing spreadsheets. Having reached the bottom line, I took a floppy from the drawer, I then invoked the SAVE command and waited for the …

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Filed under Computers and Technology

Internet Commandments

20 September 1999, 2:24 pm

The Top Internet Commandments 12. Thou shalt not downloadeth porn on thine work computer, lest ye be cast out. 11. Thou shalt *** EARN *** REDEMPTION *** FAST!!!! *** 10. Thou shalt not make for yourself a graven image of that which is copyrighted. 9. Thou shalt not pop up any unwanted windows before me, …

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Filed under Computers and Technology

Dr Seuss Explains Computers

30 August 1999, 10:43 am

If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port, and the bus is interrupted as a very last resort, and the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort, then the socket packet pocket has an error to report. If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash, and …

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Filed under Computers and Technology

Airline Operating Systems

30 August 1999, 10:43 am

If Operating Systems Ran The Airlines UNIX Airways Everyone brings one piece of the plane along when they come to the airport. They all go out on the runway and put the plane together piece by piece, arguing non-stop about what kind of plane they are supposed to be building. Air DOS Everybody pushes the …

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Filed under Computers and Technology

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