Once upon a time, two brooms fell in love and decided to get married. Before the ceremony, the bride broom informed the groom broom that she was expecting a little whisk-broom. The groom broom was aghast! ‘How is this possible?’ he asked. ‘We’ve never swept together!’ Date: Mon, 28 Jun 1999 11:42:26 -0500
President Clinton is arriving back in D.C. after a trip to his home state of Arkansas. He steps out of the plane carrying two pigs, one under each arm. When he reaches the bottom of the stairs the Marine sharply salutes him as usual. Clinton says: “I’d salute you back son, but as you can …
The boss needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employees home phone number and was greeted with a child’s whispered, “Hello?” Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster the boss asked, “Is your Daddy home?” “Yes,” …
DARWIN AWARD RUNNERS-UP: #1 – LOS ANGELES, CA. Ani Saduki, 33, and his brother decided to remove a bees’ nest from a shed on their property with the aid of a pineapple. A pineapple is an illegal firecracker which is the explosive equivalent of one half stick of dynamite. They ignited the fuse and retreated …
Obviously, don’t read if you haven’t seen the movie. STAR WARS: THE PHANTOM MENACE: THE ABRIDGED SCRIPT By Rod Hilton FADE IN: INT. SPACESHIP LIAM NEESON It is vitally important we enter trade negotiations with the federation. EWAN MCGREGOR I agree. This one planet and how it trades with other planets is certainly an important …
21 Reasons Why Star Wars Is Better Than Titanic The Titanic is big, but it doesn’t have hyperdrive. Yoda could use the Force to lift Titanic out of the water. Leia is a princess, a senator, a freedom fighter, and Jedi material; Rose is just marriage bait. Ewoks throw better parties than either first class …
A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally the doctor asks him what happened. “Well, it was like this,” said the man. “I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife when she sliced her ball into a pasture of …
Is it better to be a jock or a nerd? To all the hard working Americans…. The answer to the eternal question “Is it better to be a jock or a nerd?” Michael Jordan was making over $300,000 a game. That $10,000 a minute, at an average 30 minutes per game. With $40 million in …
An Irishman, a Mexican and a blond guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, “Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch I’m going to jump off this building.” The Mexican opened …
Jose lived in San Juan, and all he ever wanted was to see a baseball game in Yankee Stadium. Jose loved baseball, he loved the Yankees. He worked and saved and at long last bought a ticket, took a plane, but when he got to Yankee Stadium, it was all sold out. Not a seat …
