“You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking 5 miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 today and we don’t know where the hell she is.” –Ellen DeGeneres “Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Kuwait.” –A. Whitney Brown “My mom said …
Recently a guy in Paris nearly got away with stealing several paintings from the Louvre. However, after planning the crime, getting in and out past security, he was captured only 2 blocks away when his Econoline ran out of gas. When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious …
Did you hear about the heavyset guy who had tried every diet in the world in an attempt to lose weight? He tried the Scarsdale diet, the Navy diet, Weight Watchers, and many more. None worked. Then, one day, he was reading the Washington Post when he noticed a small ad that read: Lose weight, …
TIPS ON LOVE. From those that should know (all questions were answered by kids, age 5-10) WHAT IS THE PROPER AGE TO GET MARRIED?? “Eighty-four, Because at that age, you don’t have to work anymore, and you can spend all your time loving each other in your bedroom.” (Judy, 8) “Once I’m done with kindergarten, …
A hunter’s close friend wanted to shoot his own turkey for Thanksgiving so the hunter agreed to take him into the woods to get his own Thanksgiving turkey. The hunter sits his friend in a large bush with a rifle and tells him “Sit absolutely still and don’t move a muscle or make a sound …
Continue reading ‘While Hunting For That Thanksgiving Turkey…’ »
You might be an engineer if If you stare at an orange juice container because it says CONCENTRATE. If your wrist watch has more computing power than a 486DX-50. If you can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie. If you can name 6 Star Trek episodes. If your spouse sends you an e-mail instead …
Have you ever wondered if you might be an engineer?? If you refer to your spouse as “woman@home.wife” you may be an engineer. (But only if you’re a MALE engineer) If your favorite TV show is “Mr. Wizard” instead of “Baywatch,” you may be an engineer. If when your family is expecting, you are more …
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Computer Problem Report Form 1. Describe your problem: ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ 2. Now, describe the problem accurately: ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ 3. Speculate wildly about the cause of the problem: ________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________ 4. Problem Severity: A. Minor__ B. Minor__ C. Minor__ D. Trivial__ 5. Nature of the problem: A. Locked Up__ B. Frozen__ C. Hung__ D. Strange Smell__ …
“Walkin’ Round in Women’s Underwear” (sung to the tune of “Walking in a Winter Wonderland”) Lacy things – the girlfriend’s missin’, Didn’t ask – her permission, I’m wearin’ her clothes, Her silk pantyhose, Walkin’ round in women’s underwear. In the store – there’s a teddy, Little straps – like spaghetti, It holds me so tight, …
Three friends go to a bar for a drink. They order a bottle of champagne from the assistant who brings it to them and charges $30. They each pay him $10. When the owner of the bar returns, the assistant tells him he didn’t know how much to charge for the champagne (a brand they …
