It was October and the Indians on a remote reservation asked their new Chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was a Chief in a modern society he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky he couldn’t tell what the winter was …
McDonald’s Fast Food Job Application NAME: Greg Bulmash DESIRED POSITION: Reclining. HA But seriously, whatever’s available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn’t be applying here in the first place. DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that’s not possible make an …
Position Available Immediately: Apprentice Sith Lord, Dark Side Consulting Group. An unexpected position has opened up in the Dark Side Consulting Group for an Apprentice Sith Lord. The ideal candidate for this position would like galactic travel and possess a complete understanding of, and competence with the Force, or demonstrate a willingness to learn. Duties …
A woman desperately looking for work goes into Erwin. The Personnel Manager goes over her resume and explains to her that he regrets he has nothing worthy of her. The woman answers that she really needs work and will take almost anything. The Personnel Manager hems and haws and finally says he does have a …
Brian is a commercial diver for Global Divers out of Louisiana and performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs. Below is an email he sent to his sister. Anytime you think you have had a bad day at the office, remember this letter…. Hi Sue, Just another note from your bottom dwelling brother. Last week …
Dilbert’s “Salary Theorem” states that “Engineers and scientists can never earn as much as business executives and sales people.” This theorem can now be supported by a mathematical equation based on the following two postulates: Postulate 1: Knowledge is Power. Postulate 2: Time is Money. As every engineer knows: Power = Work / Time Since: …
MANAGEMENT SPEAK: That’s very interesting. TRANSLATION: I disagree. MANAGEMENT SPEAK: I don’t disagree. TRANSLATION: I disagree. MANAGEMENT SPEAK: I don’t totally disagree with you. TRANSLATION: You may be right, but I don’t care. MANAGEMENT SPEAK: You have to show some flexibility. TRANSLATION: You have to do it whether you want to or not. MANAGEMENT SPEAK: …
How to Handle Stress Picture yourself near a stream. Birds are softly chirping in the crisp, cool mountain air. Nothing can bother you here. No one knows this secret place. You are in total seclusion from that place called “the world.” The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of …
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES FROM: HUMAN RESOURCES DATE: SEPTEMBER 7, 1998 RE: REST ROOM USE POLICY In the past, employees were permitted to make trips to the rest room under informal guidelines. Effective at the beginning of next month, a rest room trip policy will be established to provide a more consistent method of accounting for …
Lord, Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change The courage to Change the things I cannot accept, And the Wisdom to hide the bodies of those people I had to kill today because they pissed me off. And, help me to be careful Of the toes I step on today as …
