An old guy is sitting on a bus when a punk rocker gets on. The punk rocker’s hair is red, green, yellow and orange. He has feather earrings. When he sees the old man staring at him, the punk rocker says “What’s the matter old man? Didn’t you ever do anything wild when you were …
You might be (or once were) a college student… If you have ever price shopped for Top Ramen. If you live in a house with three couches, none of which match. If you consider Mac and Cheese a balanced meal. If you have ever written a check for 45 cents. If you have a fine …
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There was once a COBOL programmer in the mid to late 1990s. For the sake of this story, we’ll call him Jack. After years of being taken for granted and treated as a technological dinosaur by all the UNIX programmers and Client/Server programmers and website developers, Jack was finally getting some respect. He’d become a …
WOMEN SPEAK IN ESTROGEN AND MEN LISTEN IN TESTOSTERONE by Matt Groening (producer and creator of “The Simpsons”) RELATIONSHIPS: First of all, a man does not call it a relationship — he refers to it as “that time when me and Suzie were doing it on a semi-regular basis.” When a relationship ends, a woman …
You might be a “high tech redneck” if…. your email address ends in “over.yonder.com” you connect to the WWW via “Down Home Page” your bumper sticker says “My other computer is a laptop” your laptop has a sticker that says “Protected by Smith & Wesson” you’ve ever doubled the value of your truck by installing …
Be afraid, be very afraid…. If you receive an e-mail with a subject of “Badtimes,” delete it immediately WITHOUT reading it. This is the most dangerous Email virus yet. It will re-write your hard drive. Not only that, but it will scramble any disks that are even close to your computer. It will recalibrate your …
In a recent contest, The Washington Post asked readers to dream up new elements for the Periodic Table. Among the best of the batch: Limbaughium Lb The heaviest known element. It possesses an ever-expanding mass. Very white. Acidic. Emits heat but no light. Instantly polarizes all elements that come in contact with it. Repels protons …
An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, “Ah, you’re an engineer — you’re in the wrong place.” So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing …
FAQ: Health Care Q. What does HMO stand for? A. This is actually a variation of the phrase, “Hey, Moe!” Its roots go back to a concept pioneered by Doctor Moe Howard, who discovered that a patient could be made to forget about the pain in his foot if he was poked hard enough in …
You Know You’re A Redneck If: You think “loading the dishwasher” means getting your wife drunk. The Salvation Army declines your mattress. You were shooting pool when any of your children were born. Your school fight song was “Dueling Banjos.” Your wife has ever said, “Come move this transmission so I can take a bath.” …
