Elements

Two new additions to the periodic table of elements: Element Name: WOMAN Symbol: WO Atomic Weight: (don’t even go there) Physical properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze at any time. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if mishandled. Chemical properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses strong affinity with gold, silver, …

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Headache

Husband and wife were sitting at the breakfast table. Husband gets up and goes to the cupboard. He brings back a bottle of tylenol and a glass of water. He places it in front of his wife. Wife says “what’s that for? I don`t have a headache.” Husband says “GOTCHA!”

Fence

A husband and wife are out for a drive through the countryside. They reach a familiar spot, and the wife says: “Sweetheart, let’s do the same thing we did here 40 years ago!” The husband stops the car. He backs his wife up against the fence, and he immediately jumps her like a bass on …

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Flowers

Friends, a blonde and a brunette, are walking down the street and pass a flower shop where the brunette happens to see her boyfriend buying flowers. She sighs and says, “Oh, crap, my boyfriend is buying me flowers again…..for no reason.” The blonde looks quizzically at her and says, “What’s the big deal, don’t you …

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Chicken Wire

An old man in Mississippi was sitting on his front porch watching the sun rise. He sees the neighbor’s kid walk by carrying something big under his arm. He yells out “Hey boy, whatcha got there?” Boy yells back “Roll of chicken wire.” Old man says “What you gonna do with that?” Boy says “Gonna …

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