Twas the month after Christmas, and all through the house Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse. The cookies I’d nibbled, the eggnog I’d taste At the holiday parties had gone to my waist. When I got on the scales there arose such a number! When I walked to the store (less a walk …
NEWSWEEK did a survey: 100 women surveyed were asked, “Would you sleep with the president”? 81 replied, “Never Again”. I don’t understand all the fuss about Clinton. He’s just giving the people what they want; sex and Gore.
December 8: 6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow! …
Pass a note to the organist asking whether he/she plays requests See if a yawn really is contagious Slap your neighbour. See if they turn the other cheek. If not, raise your hand and tell the priest Devise ways of climbing into the balcony without using the stairs Listen for your preacher to use a …
Continue reading ‘21 Ways to Survive Even the Dullest of Sermons’ »
On the ‘Car Talk’ show (on NPR) with Click and Clack, the Tappet Brothers have a feature called the ‘Puzzler’, and their most recent ‘Puzzler’ was about the Battle of Agincourt. The French, who were overwhelmingly favored to win the battle, threatened to cut a certain body part off of all captured English soldiers so …
Hmm… This one didn’t work for me, but people tell me it works for them… Check out the following exercise, guaranteed to freak you out. There’s no trick or surprise. Just follow these instructions, and answer the questions one at a time and as quickly as you can! Again, as quickly as you can but …
A man goes out and buys the best car available in the US or Europe, a 1996 Turbo BeepBeep. The Turbo BeepBeep is the best and most expensive car in the world, and it cost its new proud owner $500,000. Admiring himself, and his new possession, he takes it out for a spin. No sooner …
BEER TROUBLESHOOTING FLOW CHART SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet. FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle. ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling. SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless. FAULT: Glass empty. ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer. SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights. FAULT: You have fallen over …
Becky was on her deathbed, with her husband Jake at her side. He held her cold hand and tears silently streamed down his face. Her pale lips moved. ” Jake,” she said. “Hush,” he quickly interrupted, “don’t talk.” But she insisted. “Jake,” she said in her tired voice. “I have to talk. I must confess.” …
Application to Become a Green Bay Packer Fan: Name:___________________________ CB Handle:______________________ Neck Shade: ____ Light Red ____ Medium Red ____ Dark Red Number of Teeth in exposed full grin: (Neither can exceed 3) Upper _______ Lower _______ Mobile Home Color: ____ Two-tone, brown & white ____ Two-tone pink & white ____ Faded green Model of …
