Due to the frequency of human-bear encounters, the Fish and Wildlife Department is advising hikers, hunters, fishermen, and any persons that use the out of doors in a recreational or work related function to take extra precautions while in the field. We advise the outdoorsman to wear little noisy bells on clothing so as to …
A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: ‘Talking Dog For Sale.’ He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking …
May you get a clean bill of health from your dentist, your cardiologist, your gastro-enterologist, your urologist, your proctologist, your podiatrist, your psychiatrist, your plumber and the I.R.S. May your hair, your teeth, your face-lift, your abs and your stocks not fall; and may your blood pressure, your triglycerides, your cholesterol, your white blood count …
by Elliot Abrams, excerpted from the book, “Weather Prognosticators and the Media: Fallacies, Facts, and Fun in Forecasting”, by Norm Macdonald Turkeys will thaw in the morning, then warm in the oven to an afternoon high near 190 F. The kitchen will turn hot and humid, and if you bother the cook, be ready for …
Today is an odd day, meaning that all of the digits are odd, 11-19-1999. The next odd day after today will be 1-1-3111 (over a thousand years away). The next even day will be 2-2-2000 (the first one since 8-28-0888). This will be your last odd day on earth. Just thought you should know.
Two lawyers are in a bank, when, suddenly, armed robbers burst in. While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line the customers, including the lawyers, up against a wall, and proceed to take their wallets, watches, etc. While this is going on lawyer number one jams something in lawyer number …
Three older ladies were discussing the travails of getting older. One said, “Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand in front of the refrigerator and can’t remember whether I need to put it away, or start making a sandwich.” The second lady chimed in, “Yes, sometimes I find myself on …
May 30th Just moved to Texas. Now this is a state that knows how to live!! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. Mountains and deserts blended together. What a place! Watched the sunset from a park lying on a blanket. It was beautiful. I’ve finally found my home. I love it here. June 14th …
There are some people that should have to wear signs that just say, “I’m stupid.” That way you wouldn’t rely on them would you? You wouldn’t ask them anything. It would be like, “Excuse me…oops, never mind. I didn’t see your sign.” It’s like before my wife and I moved from Bay Shore to Coram…our …
A not so bright guy, wanting to earn some money, decided to try to find some handyman-type work and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. He went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for him to do. “Well, you can paint my porch. How much …
