Redneck Medical Dictionary

The Redneck Dictionary of Medical Terms

Benign:
What you be after you be eight.
Artery:
The study of paintings.
Bacteria:
Back door to cafeteria.
Barium:
What doctors do when patients die.
Cesarean Section:
A neighborhood in Rome.
CATscan:
Searching for kitty.
Cauterize:
Made eye contact with her.
Colic:
A sheep dog.
Coma:
A punctuation mark.
D & C:
Where Washington is.
Dilate:
To live long.
Enema:
Not a friend.
Fester:
Quicker than someone else.
Fibula:
A small lie.
Genital:
Non-Jewish person.
G.I. Series:
World Series of military baseball.
Hangnail:
What you hang your coat on.
Impotent:
Distinguished, well known.
Labor Pain:
Getting hurt at work.
Medical Staff:
A Doctor’s cane.
Morbid:
A higher offer than I bid.
Nitrates:
Cheaper than day rates.
Node:
I knew it.
Outpatient:
A person who has fainted.
Pap Smear:
A fatherhood test.
Pelvis:
Second cousin to Elvis.
Post Operative:
A letter carrier.
Recovery Room:
Place to do upholstery.
Rectum:
Damn near killed him.
Secretion:
Hiding something.
Seizure:
Roman emperor.
Tablet:
A small table.
Terminal Illness:
Getting sick at the airport.
Tumor:
More than one.
Urine:
Opposite of you’re out.
Varicose:
Near by/close by.