Twas the night before the “big day”, when all through the house, Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse:
The pendants were hung by the chimney with care, In hopes that St. Beamer soon would be there:
The fans were nestled all snug in their beds, While visions of the Sugar Bowl danced in their [...]
Archive of posts filed under the Christmas category.
A Hokie Christmas
Santa’s Flight Test
Santa Claus, like all pilots, gets regular visits from the Federal Aviation Administration, and the FAA examiner arrived last week for the pre-Christmas flight check.
In preparation, Santa had the elves wash the sled and bathe all the reindeer. Santa got his logbook out and made sure all his paperwork was in order. He knew they [...]
The Month After Christmas
Twas the month after Christmas, and all through the house
Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse.
The cookies I’d nibbled, the eggnog I’d taste
At the holiday parties had gone to my waist.
When I got on the scales there arose such a number!
When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber).
I’d remember the [...]
Aerial Sleigh-Borne Present-Deliverer’s Syndrome
Case Report: Unique Case of Aerial Sleigh-Borne Present-Deliverer’s Syndrome
Source: North Pole Journal of Medicine, vol 1 no.1, December 1997
Author: Dr. Iman Elf, M.D.
On January 2, 1997, Mr. C, an obese, white caucasian male, who appeared approximately 65 years old, but who could not accurately state his age, presented to my family practice office with complaints [...]
Christmas Fruit Cake Recipe
Ingredients
1 cup water
8oz. mixed nuts
1 cup brown sugar
1 cup butter
1 tsp. salt
2 cups dried fruit
4 large eggs
juice of 1 lemon
1 tsp baking powder
Method
Sample the bourbon to check quality.
Take a large bowl.
Re-sample the bourbon to ensure it is of the highest quality.
Pour one cup and drink. Repeat.
Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter [...]
Inappropriate Christmas Gifts
Washington Post — Style Invitational Challenge for the week was to come up with a terribly inappropriate Christmas gift idea.
4th runner up: Li’l Naturalist Hornet Farm
3rd runner up: A Pee Wee Herman pull toy
2nd runner up: The Duncan Yo — Goes down, never comes back. Teaches children about warranties
1st runner up: 5,200 pick up — [...]
Martha Stewart’s Holiday Calendar
Dec. 1 Blanch carcass from Thanksgiving turkey. Spray-paint gold, turn upside down and use as a sleigh to hold Christmas cards.
Dec. 2 Have Morman Tabernacle Choir record outgoing Christmas message for answering machine.
Dec. 3 Using candlewick and hand-gilded pine cones, fashion cat-o’-nine-tails. Flog gardener.
Dec. 4 Address sympathy cards for all friends with elderly relatives, so [...]
Programmers Night Before Christmas
Twas the night before implementation and all through the house
not a program was working, not even a browse.
The programmers hung round their cubes in despair
with hopes that a miracle soon would be there.
The users were nestled all snug in their beds
while visions of inquiries danced in their heads.
When out of the cope there arose such [...]
The Night Before Christmas for Moms
It was the night before Christmas, when all thru the abode
only one creature was stirring, and she was cleaning the commode.
The children were finally sleeping, all snug in their beds,
while visions of Nintendo 64 and Barbie, flipped through their heads.
The dad was snoring in front of the TV,
with a half-constructed bicycle on his knee.
So only [...]
A Microsoft Christmas
‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, except Papa’s mouse.
The computer was humming, the icons were hopping,
As Papa did last-minute Internet shopping.
The stockings were hung by the modem with care
In hope that St. Nicholas would bring new software.
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of [...]