Dear Cassius: Are you still working on the Y zero K problem? This change from BC to AD is giving us a lot of headaches and we haven’t much time left. I don’t know how people will cope with working the wrong way around. Having been working happily downwards forever, now we have to start …
Did you hear about the disaster at a major U.S. University? A team of scientists were cloning monkeys and one of them blew up. The researchers are now trying to determine what went wrong by sifting through the Rhesus’ pieces. Date: Mon, 29 Mar 1999 14:23:57 -0500
Just Who Is Jack Schitt Anyway? Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says, “You don’t know Jack Schitt.” Now you can handle the situation. Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Kneedeep N. Schitt Inc. …
A man runs into the vet’s office carrying his dog, screaming for help. The vet rushes him back to an examination room and has him put his dog down on the examination table. The vet examines the still, limp body and after a few moments tells the man that his dog, regrettable, is dead. The …
Even if you aren’t a skier, you’ll be able to appreciate the humor of the slopes as written in this account by a New Orleans paper: A friend just got back from a holiday ski trip to Utah with the kind of story that warms the cockels of anybody’s heart. Conditions were perfect, 12 below, …
Bill and Hillary are out driving in the country near Hillary’s hometown. They are low on fuel, so Bill pulls into a gas station for a fill-up. The attendant comes out and begins to pump gas into the first couple’s tank. As he is doing this, he looks into the passenger window. “Hey, Hillary. We …
Bill Clinton has a dream in which he meets George Washington. He says, “George, what can I do to make things better for the people?” George Washington says, “Lower the taxes.” Clinton replies, “Oh, George, I can’t do that.” The next night, Clinton dreams again but this time Thomas Jefferson is there. “Thomas,” Clinton says, …
An American soldier, serving in World War II, had just returned from several weeks of intense action on the German front lines. He had finally been granted R&R and was on a train bound for London. The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat. …
It’s the French Revolution and they’re doing the usual beheadings. Today they’re leading a priest, a drunkard and an engineer up to the guillotine. They ask the priest if he wants to face up or down when he meets his fate. The priest says that he would like to face up so he will be …
This Old Mainframe – Host Bob Vila revamps a Univac and shows you how you can turn an old PC into a functional doorstep or other decorative object. Name That Software – Contestants attempt to identify well-known business programs by looking at the least number of lines of code. My Three Suns – Neighbors wonder …
