The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of negotiations, Her Majesty Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phased plan for what will …
An engineering student is walking on campus one day when another engineer rides up on a shiny new motorcycle. “Where did you get such a rockin’ bike?” asked the first. The second engineer replied “Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw …
LORD HELP ME……… Lord help me to relax about insignificant details beginning tomorrow at 7:41:23 AM PST. Lord help me to consider people’s feelings, even if most of them ARE hypersensitive. Lord help me to take responsibility for my own actions, even though they’re usually NOT my fault. Lord, help me to not try to …
THE FOLLOWING ARE ALL QUOTES FROM 11 YEAR OLDS’ SCIENCE EXAMS: “Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.” “When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire.” “H20 is hot water, and CO2 is cold water.” “To collect fumes of sulphur, …
A team of archaeologists were excavating in Israel when they came upon a cave. Written on the wall of the cave were the following symbols in order of appearance. 1. A dog 2. A donkey 3. A shovel 4. A fish 5. A Star of David They decided that this was a unique find and …
Now don’t cheat! FIRST, use a clean piece of paper. THIS IS QUITE INTERESTING! So, don’t cheat and be a schmuck and scroll on down without getting a piece of paper and a pen and following the instructions. OK? On a blank piece of paper draw a pig (yes, the animal). Then scroll down and …
Some people say cats never have to be bathed. They say cats lick themselves clean. They say cats have a special enzyme of some sort in their saliva that works like new, improved Wisk—–dislodging the dirt where it hides and whisking it away. I’ve spent most of my life believing this folklore. Like most blind …
3 buddies die in a car crash, they go to heaven to an orientation. They are all asked, “When you’re in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you?” The first guy says, “I’d like to hear them say that I was a …
Three women escaped from prison. One was a redhead, one a brunette, and one a blonde. They ran for miles until they came upon an old barn where they decided to hide in the hayloft and rest. When they climbed up, they found three large gunnysacks and decided to climb into them for camouflage. About …
(to the tune of “Gilligan’s Island,” more or less) Just sit right back and you’ll hear a tale Of the doom that is our fate. That started when programmers used Two digits for a date. Two digits for a date. Main memory was smaller then; Hard disks were smaller, too. “Four digits are extravagant, So …
