LORD HELP ME……… Lord help me to relax about insignificant details beginning tomorrow at 7:41:23 AM PST. Lord help me to consider people’s feelings, even if most of them ARE hypersensitive. Lord help me to take responsibility for my own actions, even though they’re usually NOT my fault. Lord, help me to not try to …
A team of archaeologists were excavating in Israel when they came upon a cave. Written on the wall of the cave were the following symbols in order of appearance. 1. A dog 2. A donkey 3. A shovel 4. A fish 5. A Star of David They decided that this was a unique find and …
3 buddies die in a car crash, they go to heaven to an orientation. They are all asked, “When you’re in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you?” The first guy says, “I’d like to hear them say that I was a …
Three women escaped from prison. One was a redhead, one a brunette, and one a blonde. They ran for miles until they came upon an old barn where they decided to hide in the hayloft and rest. When they climbed up, they found three large gunnysacks and decided to climb into them for camouflage. About …
(to the tune of “Gilligan’s Island,” more or less) Just sit right back and you’ll hear a tale Of the doom that is our fate. That started when programmers used Two digits for a date. Two digits for a date. Main memory was smaller then; Hard disks were smaller, too. “Four digits are extravagant, So …
A woman named Shirley was from Beverly Hills. One day, she had a heart attack and was taken to Cedars Sinai hospital. While on the operating table, she had a near-death experience. She saw God and asked, “Is this it?” God said, “No, you have another 30 to 40 years to live.” Upon her recovery, …
We all know those cute little computer symbols called “emoticons,” where 🙂 means a smile and 🙁 is a frown. Sometimes these are represented by 🙂 and 🙁 respectively. Well, how about some “asscons”? Here goes: (_!_) a regular ass (__!__) a fat ass (!) a tight ass (_._) a flat ass (_^_) a bubble …
Late in 1997 I wrote a letter to my town’s Postmaster. I requested that they declare my residential mailbox vacant. After a week or so, no more mail. 🙂 What I had done before that was to fill out one of those Hold Mail forms, as if I was going on vacation. And I left …
A very religious man lived right next door to an atheist. While the religious one prayed day in, day out, and was constantly on his knees in communion with his Lord, the atheist never even looked twice at a church. However, the atheist’s life was good, he had a well-paying job and a beautiful wife, …
NEW TECHNOLOGY ARRIVAL CAUSES GREAT EXCITMENT! BOOK is a revolutionary breakthrough in technology: no wires, no electric circuits, no batteries, nothing to be connected or switched on. It’s so easy to use even a child can operate it. Compact and portable, it can be used anywhere – even sitting in an armchair by the fire-yet …
