A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the person behind the wheel was knitting! The trooper cranked down his window and yelled to the driver, “PULL OVER!” “NO!” the driver yelled back, “SCARF!” Date: Mon, 18 Oct 1999 15:58:06 -0500
Q: When does a person decide to become an engineer? A: When he realizes he doesn’t have the charisma to be an undertaker. Q: What do engineers use for birth control? A: Their personalities. Q: Why did the engineers cross the road? A: Because they looked in the file and that’s what they did last …
A little old lady is on a bus, buying a ticket from the bus conductor, fumbling in a voluminous bag for the correct change. After 15 minutes the conductor becomes so enraged that he hits her on the head with the ticket-dispenser, and the poor old dear dies instantly. Not surprisingly, he is convicted and …
Three older ladies were discussing the travails of getting older. One said, “Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand in front of the refrigerator and can’t remember whether I need to put it away, or start making a sandwich.” The second lady chimed in, “Yes, sometimes I find myself on …
There was an old man, a boy and a donkey. They were going to town and it was decided that the boy should ride. As they went along they passed some people who thought that it was a shame for the boy to ride and the old man to walk. The man and boy decided …
A pregnant woman from Washington, D.C. gets in a car accident and falls into a deep coma. Asleep for nearly 6 months, when she wakes up she sees that she is no longer pregnant and frantically asks the doctor about her baby. The doctor replies, “Ma’am you had twins! a boy and a girl. Your …
Thought you guys would get a kick out of this: The Office of Personnel Management for the federal government today announced the 2000 holiday schedule for federal employees: There will be two less holidays in D.C. next year. Halloween and Thanksgiving have been canceled. The witch is moving to New York and she’s taking the …
Passover is approaching. At the sedar table, every Jewish child will be retold the story of Moses and the Pharoah, and how God brought boils, locusts, hail and the other plagues onto the Egyptians. Yet in spite of this overwealming evidence of God’s intensions, Pharoah refused to let the Jews go, until a tenth plague, …
A man is eating in a fancy restaurant, and there is a gorgeous blond eating at the next table. He has been checking her out all night, but lacks the nerve to go talk to her. Suddenly she sneezes and her glass eye comes flying out of her socket towards the man. He reflexively grabs …
Two new additions to the periodic table of elements: Element Name: WOMAN Symbol: WO Atomic Weight: (don’t even go there) Physical properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze at any time. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if mishandled. Chemical properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses strong affinity with gold, silver, …
