One of (Insert your favorite telco)’s finest techs was drafted and sent to boot camp. At the rifle range, he was given some instruction, a rifle and bullets. He fired several shots at the target. The report came from the target area that all attempts had completely missed the target. The tech looked at his …
From the corporate and Silicon Valley jungles. “batmobiling” putting up emotional shields from the retracting armor that covers the batmobile as in “she started talking marriage and he started batmobiling” “betamaxed” when a technology is overtaken in the market by inferior but better marketed competition as in “Microsoft betamaxed Apple right out of the market” …
If you receive an e-mail with a subject line of “Badtimes,” delete it immediately WITHOUT reading it. This is the most dangerous Email virus yet. It will re-write your hard drive. Not only that, but it will scramble any disks that are even close to your computer. It will recalibrate your refrigerator’s coolness setting so …
In the beginning there was the computer. And God said, c:\Let there be light! Enter user id. c:\God Enter password. c:\Omniscient Password incorrect. Try again. c:\Omnipotent Password incorrect. Try again. c:\Technocrat And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Sunday, March 1. c:\Let there be light! Unrecognizable command. Try again. c:\Create light Done c:\Run heaven and …
Recently one of my friends, a computer wizard, paid me a visit. As we were talking I mentioned that I had recently installed Windows 95 on my PC, I told him how happy I was with this operating system and showed him the Windows 95 CD. To my surprise he threw it into my micro-wave …
There are three engineers in a car, an electrical engineer, a chemical engineer, and a Microsoft engineer. Suddenly the car just stops by the side of the road, and the three engineers look at each other wondering what could be wrong. The electrical engineer suggests stripping down the electronics of the car and trying to …
Saddam Hussein Goes Online – Almost AMMAN (Reuter) – Fans of President Saddam Hussein can now send messages to the reclusive Iraqi president on the Internet via an official homepage set up to celebrate his 60th birthday, a computer firm said on Sunday. But well-wishers hoping for replies to their e-mail will have to patient. …
The Ways things would be different if Microsoft was headquartered in the South. 1. Their #1 product would be Microsoft Winders 95. 2. Instead of an hourglass icon you’d get an empty longneck beer bottle. 3. Occasionally you’d bring up a window that was covered by a Hefty bag. 4. Dialog boxes would give you …
There was once a COBOL programmer in the mid to late 1990s. For the sake of this story, we’ll call him Jack. After years of being taken for granted and treated as a technological dinosaur by all the UNIX programmers and Client/Server programmers and website developers, Jack was finally getting some respect. He’d become a …
You might be a “high tech redneck” if…. your email address ends in “over.yonder.com” you connect to the WWW via “Down Home Page” your bumper sticker says “My other computer is a laptop” your laptop has a sticker that says “Protected by Smith & Wesson” you’ve ever doubled the value of your truck by installing …
