Usenet Flame Form

(version 78.61, material by Joseph Helenihi, et al)

Dear:
[ ] Clueless Newbie [ ] Lamer [ ] Flamer
[ ] “Me too” er [ ] Pervert [ ] Geek
[ ] Spammer [ ] Racist [ ] Fed
[ ] Stereotypical AOLer [ ] Freak [ ] Troller
[ ] Fundamentalist [ ] Satanist [ ] Scientologist

You Are Being Flamed Because:
[ ] You posted what should have been emailed
[ ] You obviously don’t know how to read your newsgroups line
[ ] You are trying to make money on a non-commercial newsgroup
[ ] You self-rightously impose your religious beliefs on others
[ ] You posted something asking for warez sites
[ ] You quoted an ENTIRE post in your reply
[ ] You started a long, stupid thread
[ ] You continued spreading a long stupid thread
[ ] You employ no word wrap
[ ] Your post is absurdly off topic for where you posted it
[ ] You posted a followup to crossposted robot-generated spam
[ ] You posted a “test” in a discussion group rather than in alt.test
[ ] You posted a “YOU ALL SUCK” message
[ ] You posted low-IQ flamebait
[ ] You posted a blatently obvious troll
[ ] You followed up to a blatently obvious troll
[ ] Your grammar/spelling/punctuation is errant
[ ] You posted pretending to be someone famous
[ ] You said “me too” to something
[ ] You make no sense
[ ] Your sig/alias/server is dreadful
[ ] You posted a phone-sex ad
[ ] You posted a stupid pyramid money making scheme
[ ] You claimed a pyramid-scheme/chain letter for money was legal
[ ] You posted in ElItE CaPiTaLs to look K3WL
[ ] You posted SCREAMING in RANDOM CAPS for NO APPARENT REASON
[ ] You didn’t do anything specific, but appear to be so generally worthless that you are being flamed anyway

To Repent, You Must:

[ ] Refrain from posting until you have a vague idea what you’re doing
[ ] Be Senator Exon’s love slave
[ ] Read every newsgroup you posted to for a week
[ ] Give up your AOL account
[ ] Bust up your modem with a hammer and eat it
[ ] Tell your Mommy to up your medication
[ ] Jump into a bathtub while holding your monitor
[ ] Actually post something relevant
[ ] Make a homepage for the goddess Hello Kitty
[ ] Read the FAQ
[ ] Post to alt.test
[ ] Print your home phone number in your ads
[ ] Be the guest of honor in alt.flame for a month

In Closing, I’d Like to Say:

[ ] Get a clue
[ ] Get a life
[ ] Go away
[ ] Age 10 more years before you post again
[ ] Never post again
[ ] I pity your dog
[ ] You need to seek psychiatric help
[ ] Morons like you give ammo to pro-censorship geeks
[ ] Yer momma’s so fat/stupid/ugly etc…
[ ] Take your gibberish somewhere else
[ ] Learn how to post or get off the usenet
[ ] All of the above