Religious Jokes

#1) An angry mob has surrounded a prostitute and is preparing to stone her. Jesus steps up and says “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.” Suddenly a woman rushes up and smashes a huge stone on the prostitutes head. Jesus looks at the woman and says “You know mom, sometimes you really piss me off.”

#2) A man goes to Easter Sunday mass with his wife and proceeds to fall asleep during the sermon. The priest asks “Who is the father of us all?” His wife takes a needle out of her pocketbook and stabs him in the leg, “God Almighty”, the man exclaims. The priest says “Right you are,” and asks, “And who was his only son?”. The man’s wife stabs him with the needle again, “Jesus Christ”, he yells. The priest says, “Right again.” The man nods off again and the priest asks “What did Eve say to Adam after having their thirteenth child?” The man’s wife stabs him really hard with the needle and he yells out “If you stick that thing in me one more time, I’ll wrap it around your neck!”