Moses, Jesus, and an old, bearded man were out playing golf one day. Moses pulled up to the tee and drove a long one. It landed in the fairway but rolled directly toward a water trap. Quickly Moses raised his club, the water parted and it rolled to the other side safe and sound. Next, …
Three very religious rabbis in black with long beards were playing golf. A guy named Mulhaney wanted to play golf and this was the only threesome in which he could play. So he joins the rabbis and plays 18 holes. At the end of the game his score is 104. The rabbis shot 69, 70 …
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. Engineer: What’s with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes! Doctor: I don’t know, but I’ve never seen such ineptitude! Pastor: Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let’s have a word with him. [dramatic pause] …
And it came to pass after these things that G-d did test Avraham. And He said to him “Avraham!” And Avraham replied “Hineni – here I am.” And He said, “Take your computer, your old computer, your 286, and install upon it an operating system, a new operating system, Windows 95, which I will show …
Continue reading ‘A more modern version of the binding of Isaac’ »
The Pope dies and, naturally, goes to heaven. He’s met by the reception committee, and after a whirlwind tour he is told that he can enjoy any of the myriad of recreations available. He decides that he wants to read all of the ancient original text of the Holy Scriptures, so he spends the next …
In the beginning there was the computer. And God said, c:\Let there be light! Enter user id. c:\God Enter password. c:\Omniscient Password incorrect. Try again. c:\Omnipotent Password incorrect. Try again. c:\Technocrat And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Sunday, March 1. c:\Let there be light! Unrecognizable command. Try again. c:\Create light Done c:\Run heaven and …
A Preacher wanted to raise money for his church and, being told there were fortunes in Race horses, he decided to purchase one and enter it in the races. However, at the local auction, the going price for horses was so steep he ended up buying a donkey instead. He figured that since he had …
The elder priest invited the younger priest to dinner. The younger priest was startled at how attractive the elder priest’s housekeeper proved to be. When she left for the evening, the elder priest observed: “I could not help but notice the attention you gave to my housekeeper. No doubt you have questions in your mind. …
A farmer named Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside except for a pet dog he doted on. The dog finally died and Muldoon went to the parish priest, saying “Father, the dog is dead. Could you possibly be saying a mass for the poor creature?” Father Patrick told the farmer “No, we can’t have …
An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, “Ah, you’re an engineer — you’re in the wrong place.” So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing …
