A festive holiday poem
Hugh Drumm & Vincent Ambrose
‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the Net,
There were hacker’s a surfing. Geeks? Yeah, you bet.
The e-mails were stacked by the modem with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there.
The newbies were nestled all snug by their screens,
While visions of Java danced in their [...]
Archive of posts filed under the Christmas category.
The Night Before Christmas Internet Style
The Night Before Christmas
The Night Before Christmas (A Visit From St. Nicholas) by Clement Clarke Moore
(the original text, so not really a joke, but it’s nice to know what’s being spoofed elsewhere.)
‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In [...]
Politically Correct Santa
‘Twas the night before Christmas and Santa’s a wreck…
How to live in a world that’s politically correct?
His workers no longer would answer to “Elves”,
“Vertically Challenged” they were calling themselves.
And labor conditions at the north pole
Were alleged by the union to stifle the soul.
Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety,
Released to the wilds by the Humane [...]
Star Wars Holiday Humor
Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker were having one of their little father and son chats. Lightsabers drawn and sparks flying.
Vader pinned Luke against a bulkhead and glared into his face, “I know what you’re getting for Christmas, Luke,” he said, “Ohhh, yes! I know!”
Luke fought himself free and jumped to a higher platfrom just out [...]
A Star Trek: The Next Generation Christmas
‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the ship Not a circuit was buzzing, not one microchip; The phasers were hung in the arm’ry securely, In hope that no aliens would get up that early.
The crewmen were nestled all snug in their bunks– except for the few who were partying drunks; And Picard in [...]
The X(mas) Files
Mulder: We’re too late. It’s already been here.
Scully: Mulder, I hope you know what you are doing.
Mulder: Look, Scully, just like the other homes: Douglas fir, truncated, mounted, transformed into some sort of shrine; halls decked with boughs of holly; stockings hung by the chimney, with care.
Scully: You really think someone’s been here?
Mulder: Someone or [...]
Organizational Changes at the North Pole
TO: Public release
RE: Organizational Changes at the North Pole
The recent announcement that Donner and Blitzen have elected to take the early reindeer retirement package has triggered a good deal of concern about whether they will be replaced, and about other restructuring decisions at the North Pole. Streamlining was necessary due to the North Pole’s loss [...]
Concern For Santa’s Mental Health
Mental Health Care Ltd.
To: All Home Managers
From: Concerned Care Staff
Date: 25th December Re: S. Claus
We are having problems with the above named. He presents as being happy andjolly and walks around saying “Ho ho ho”. Additionally he has taken to referring to an imaginary animal called Rudolf and insists on wearing a red and white [...]
Twas a Redneck Christmas
‘Twas the night before Christmas And all through the trailer
Not a creature was stirrin’ ‘Cept a redneck named Taylor.
His first name was Bubba, Joe was his middle,
And a-runnin’ down his chin Was a trickle of spittle.
His socks, they were hung by the chimney with care,
And therefore there was a foul stench in the air.
That Bubba [...]
Marv Albert Holiday Jingle
“Walkin’ Round in Women’s Underwear” (sung to the tune of “Walking in a Winter Wonderland”)
Lacy things – the girlfriend’s missin’,
Didn’t ask – her permission,
I’m wearin’ her clothes,
Her silk pantyhose,
Walkin’ round in women’s underwear.
In the store – there’s a teddy,
Little straps – like spaghetti,
It holds me so tight,
Like handcuffs at night,
Walkin’ round in women’s underwear.
In the [...]