You Are 25 to 30 if…

You’re probably aged 25-30 if….

You wore anything Izod, especially those windbreakers that folded up into a pouch you could wear around your waist.

You owned a Jordache anything, or you remember when Jordache jeans were cool.

In your sophomore class picture, you’re wearing an Izod shirt with the collar “up.”

Your “dressy” wardrobe centered on pastels and linen blazers – guys included.

You know, by heart, the words to a “Weird” Al Yankovic song.

You remember when Madonna was just hitting the scene.

The Brady Bunch movie brought back cool memories.

“The Reflex” was a cool song.

You remember “Battlestar Galactica.”

Three words “Atari,” “Apple,” and “Pong.”

You remember the days that hooking your computer into your television wasn’t an expensive option that required gadgets – it was the ONLY option.

You remember the original version of Windows Macintosh.

You remember the days when “safe sex” meant “my parents are gone for the weekend.”

You thought “Wierd Science” was a masterpiece.

You remember any or all of the following: Echo & the Bunnymen, Cutting Crew, Scritti Politti, or Orchestral Meneouvers in the Dark.

Chevy Chase was really funny in those vacation movies.

You remember “Friday Night Videos” before the days of MTV.

A predominant color in your childhood photos is “plaid.”

While in high school, you and all your friends discussed elaborate plans to get together again at the end of the century and play “1999” by Prince over and over again.

You remember when music that was labeled “alternative” really was.

You took family trips BEFORE the invention of the mini-van.

You rode in the back of the station wagon and you faced the cars behind you in the “tail gunner” position.

You’ve recently horrified yourself by using any one of the following phases- “When I was younger” – “When I was your age” – “You know, back when…” – “Just can’t (fill in the blank) like I used to”

Schoolhouse Rock played a HUGE part in how you actually learned the English language.

You ever dressed to emulate a person you saw in either a Duran Duran, Madonna, Rick Springfield, or Cyndi Lauper video.

You actually know who Rick Springfield is.

You remember with pain the sad day when the Green Machine hit the streets and made your old Big Wheel obsolete.

The phrase “Where’s the beef?” still doubles you over with laughter.

You remember when film critics raved that no movie could ever possibly get better special effects than those in the movie TRON.

You jammed to the Miami Vice theme and thought Jan Hammer was cool.

You wanted to move to Hawaii because that’s where Magnum lived.

For the girl crazy bunch: Your first sexual dream occurred to thoughts of Jeannie, Marsha Brady, Samantha from Bewitched or, for those hardcore comic fans out there, Daphne from Scooby Doo, Josie or any one of her Pussycats.

And for the boy crazy bunch: You thought Sean Cassidy was “dreamy”, lusted after “Ted, your ship’s photographer” on the Love Boat and Chachi, or, to keep it fair to the comically interested, thought Fred was just a hunk on Scooby Doo.

Your hair, at some point in time in the 80’s, became something which can only be described by the phrase “I was experimenting.”

Guys: You remember when a guy piercing his ear was radical to the max, but did it anyhow.

This timeline appropriately describes actual events in your life:

  • Star Wars opens, you are still in single digit ages, and you think the creatures are WAY cool.
  • Empire Strikes Back opens, you are now in early double digit ages, and you are convinced that the special effects are much better, the characters are cool, and you want one of every collectible out
  • Return of the Jedi hits the theaters…you are now a teenager, and you cannot get your eyes off Princess Leia’s breasts/Han Solo’s butt.

You’ve ever shopped at a Banana Republic or Benetton, but not in the last five years, okay?

You actually remember Benetton.

You’re starting to believe (now that it wouldn’t affect YOU) that maybe having the kids go to school year-round wouldn’t be such a bad idea after all.

You’re doing absolutely nothing with anything pertaining to your major degree.

You ever wanted to be gagged with a spoon

U2 is too “popular” and “mainstream” for you now.

You owned a Trapper Keeper.

You remember when there was only “G, PG and R”, none of this PG-13 crap.

You learned to swim about the same time Jaws came out and still carry the emotional scars to this day.

Wonder twin powers, activate . . . form of an iceberg, shape of a hammer.

You spent endless nights dreaming about being the Bionic Woman/Man or Wonder Woman/the Incredible Hulk.

You remember “Hey, let’s be careful out there.”

You ever wanted to learn to play “Stairway to Heaven” on the guitar and choreographed “Dancing Queen” by yourself in your room.

You know all the words to the double album set of Grease.

“All-skate, change directions” means something to you.

You ever rang someone’s doorbell and said “Landshark.”

You bought a pair of Vanns and wanted to order a pizza in history class so you could be just like Jeff Spicoli in Fast Times as Ridgemont High.

Date: Thu, 8 May 1997 10:55:13 -0400