WHAT A GUY REALLY MEANS….
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“I’m going fishing.”
Really means…
“I’m going to drink myself dangerously stupid and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety.”
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“It’s a guy thing.”
Really means….
“There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical.”
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“Can I help with dinner?”
Really means….
“Why isn’t it already on the table?”
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“Uh huh,” “Sure, honey,” or “Yes, dear.”
Really means….
Absolutely nothing. It’s a conditioned response.
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“It would take too long to explain.”
Really means…
“I have no idea how it works.”
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“I’m getting more exercise lately.”
Really means….
“The batteries in the remote are dead.”
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“We’re going to be late.”
Really means….
“Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac.”
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“Take a break, honey, you’re working too hard.”
Really means….
“I can’t hear the game over the vacuum cleaner.”
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“That’s interesting, dear.”
Really means….
“Are you still talking?”
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“Honey, we don’t need material things to prove our love.”
Really means….
“I forgot our anniversary again.”
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“You expect too much of me.”
Really means….
“You want me to stay awake.”
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“That’s women’s work.”
Really means….
“It’s difficult, dirty, and thankless.”
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“You know how bad my memory is.”
Really means….
“I remember the theme song to ‘F Troop’, the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the Vehicle Identification Numbers of every car I’ve ever owned, but I forgot your birthday.”
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“Oh, don’t fuss. I just cut myself, it’s no big deal.”
Really means….
“I have severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I’m hurt.”
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“I do help around the house.”
Really means….
“I once put a dirty towel in the laundry basket.”
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“Hey, I’ve got my reasons for what I’m doing.”
Really means….
“I sure hope I think of some reasons pretty soon.”
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“I can’t find it.”
Really means….
“It didn’t fall into my outstretched hands, so I’m completely clueless.”
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“What did I do this time?”
Really means….
“What did you catch me doing?”
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“I heard you.”
Really means….
“I haven’t the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don’t spend the next 3 days yelling at me.”
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“You look terrific.”
Really means….
“Oh, God, please don’t try on one more outfit. I’m starving.”
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“I missed you.”
Really means….
“I can’t find my sock drawer, the kids are hungry and we are out of toilet paper.”
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“I’m not lost. I know exactly where we are.”
Really means….
“I’m lost. I have no idea where we are, and no one will ever see us alive again.”
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“We share the housework.”
Really means….
“I make the messes, you clean them up.”
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“This relationship is getting too serious.”
Really means….
“You’re cutting into the time I spend with my truck.”
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“I don’t need to read the instructions.”
Really means….
“I am perfectly capable of screwing it up without printed help.”
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