Understanding Computer Lingo

Common Computer Terminology

486 – Average IQ needed to understand a PC
State-of-the-art – Any computer you can’t afford
Obsolete – Any computer you own
Microsecond – The time it take for your state-of-the-computer to become obsolete
Syntax Error – “Hi, I want to buy a computer and money is no object.”
Computer Chip – Any starchy foodstuff comsumed while programming
Keyboard – The standard way to generate computer errors
Mouse – An advanced input device to make computer errors easier to generate
Floppy – The state of your wallet after buying a computer
Hard Drive – The sales technique employed by computer salespeople
Portable Computer – A device intended to force businesspersons to work at home, on vacation, and on business trips
Disk Crash – A typical computer response to any critical deadline
Power User – Anyone who can format a disk from DOS
System Update – A quick method of trashing ALL your software
Computer Industry Acronyms
PCMIA – People Can’t Memorize Industry Acronyms
SCSI – System Can’t See It
PENTIUM – Produces Erroneous Numbers Through Incorect Understanding of Mathematics
WWW – World Wide Wait
CD-ROM – Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months
COBOL – Completely Outdated Because Of Length
MIPS – Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed
WINDOWS – Will Install Needless Data On Whole System
OS/2 – Obsolete Soon, Too
MICROSOFT – Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers
LISP – Lots of Infuriating, Silly Parentheses
RISC – Reduced Into Silly Code
DOS – Defective Operating System
IBM – I Blame Microsoft
DEC – Do Expect Cuts

COMPUTER SPECIFIC OXYMORONS
Advanced BASIC
Software Documentation
Computer Jock
Web Security
Microsoft Works