The Internet Things

To be sung to the tune of “My Favourite Things.”

PPP Daemons and protocol routers
TCP/IP and fast system booters
Long network cables like tincans on strings
These are a few of the Internet things

Serial modems and null-modem cables
Millions of dip switches, all without labels Flow control,
stop bits, software and hard
Wondering why your connection is barred

INN, CNEWS, nntp servers
slurp to collect it (do we really deserve this?)
Route it to daemon, cross fingers and pray
This is what happens most every day.

Internal subnets, with bridges and routers
Protocol stacks on DOS/Windows computers
Flaky net configs that break on a whim
Leaving the packets stuffed into a SIMM

FTP proxies and webfile homepages
Clueless Mac users in mad crazy rages
Protocol packets that stop for their tea
Leaving me wondering where the hell they can be

HTML specs and World Wide Web rootfiles
POP3, SMTP, DNS bootfiles
MMDF and the sendmail config
Why is the mail spool direct’ry so big?

When the POP dies! When the line drops!
When I’m feeling stress …
I simply start playing with my network configs,
And get into a much … worse mess.