Story of Creation

Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six days. Eventually, Michael the archangel found him, resting on the seventh day. He inquired of God, “Where have you been?”

God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, “Look Michael, at what I’ve made.”

Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, “What is it?”

“It’s a planet,” replied God, “and I’ve put life on it. I’m going to call it Earth and it’s going to be a great place of balance.”

“Balance?” inquired Michael, still confused.

God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth, “For example, Northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while Southern Europe will be poor. The Middle East over there will be a hot spot while Australia will be relatively tranquil.” God continued, pointing to different countries. “This one will be extremely arid while that one will be covered with ice.”

The archangel, impressed by God’s work, then pointed to a large land mass. “What’s that one?”

“Ah,” said God. “That’s Blacksburg, the most glorious place on Earth. The people from Blacksburg are going to be modest, intelligent, and humorous; and they’re going to be found traveling the world. They’ll be sociable, hard- working, and high-achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace. I’m also going to give them a super-human, unbeatable football team that will be admired and feared by all who see and play them.”

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed: “What about balance, God? You said there will be balance.”

God replied wisely, “Wait until you see the loud-mouth, goofy idiots I’m putting in Charlottesville.”