Puns Galore

Puns Galore

Date: Wed, 11 Mar 1998 13:49:11 -0500

--- This guy has been working as a bag boy in a supermarket for 5 years. One day the supermarket gets new orange juice machines, and the bag boy is real excited and asks the manager if he can work the juice machines. The manager says no. The bag boy goes, "But I've been working here for 5 years, why can't I run the juice machines?" The manager goes, "I'm sorry, but BAGGERS CAN'T BE JUICERS."

--- Peek-A-Boo Street, the Olympic Gold Medalist in Skiing, has made quite a name for herself since her initial assault for the Gold in Lillehammer. Thru endoresments and other perks, she has amassed a tidy sum for a young lady. In her quest for sharing her good fortune with people in her community, and, because she had spent so much time in the local hospital with multiple suguries for knee injuries, she donated a sizable amount of money to said hospital to be used at their discretion. In need of better facilities in their Intensive Care Unit, the hospital put her money in a new area now known as the Peek-A-Boo I. C. U.

--- It was a warm Southern California evening when the jury reached a verdict in the O. J. Simpson case. The nation was anxiously awaiting the jury's verdict and newsmen were rapidly arriving on the rumors that the decision would finally be announced. At that moment, Judge Ito was in his backyard Bar-B-Qing filet mignon for the family's evening dinner. The bailiff phoned the Ito residence and when Mrs. Ito answered, requested that the Judge be notified and suggested that the judge should return to the court house as soon as possible. Mrs. Ito refused the bailiff's request because, she insisted, "HIS HONOR WAS AT STEAK."

--- A squad car driver was covering a quiet beat out in the sticks when he was amazed to find a former lieutenant on the police force covering the beat. He stopped the car and asked, "Why, Mike, this wouldn't be your new beat out here in the sticks, would it?" "That it is," Mike replied grimly, "ever since I arrested Judge Ito on his way to the masquerade ball." "You mean you pinched his honor?" asked Pat. "How was I to know that his convict suit was only a costume." demanded Mike. "Well," mused Pat, "tis life and there's a lesson in this somewhere." "That there is," replied Mike. "TIS WISE NEVER TO BOOK A JUDGE BY HIS COVER."

--- The cartoon characters were playing draw poker between the takes of the epic movie, "Who Framed Roger Rabbit." Roger was the big winner but Mickey Mouse and Huckleberry Hound were doing well. Goofy, Casper the Ghost and Donald Duck were losing, when Casper picked up the two, three, four, five and seven of hearts. He was unable to scare any of the other players into folding their hands as all but Casper drew one or two cards. The bidding on the second round was quite animated as the pot grew to the largest to date. Casper showed his hand and started to take the pot when Roger put down the King, eight, six, five and three of spades to beat him. The moral of the story: THE SPIRIT WAS WILLING BUT THE FLUSH WAS WEAK.


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May 04, 2004