Understanding Computer Lingo
Understanding Computer Lingo
Date: Wed, 11 Aug 1999 09:30:42 -0400
Common Computer Terminology
486 - Average IQ needed to understand a PC
State-of-the-art - Any computer you can't afford
Obsolete - Any computer you own
Microsecond - The time it take for your state-of-the-computer to become obsolete
Syntax Error - "Hi, I want to buy a computer and money is no object."
Computer Chip - Any starchy foodstuff comsumed while programming
Keyboard - The standard way to generate computer errors
Mouse - An advanced input device to make computer errors easier to generate
Floppy - The state of your wallet after buying a computer
Hard Drive - The sales technique employed by computer salespeople
Portable Computer - A device intended to force businesspersons to work at home, on vacation, and on business trips
Disk Crash - A typical computer response to any critical deadline
Power User - Anyone who can format a disk from DOS
System Update - A quick method of trashing ALL your software
Computer Industry Acronyms
PCMIA - People Can't Memorize Industry Acronyms
SCSI - System Can't See It
PENTIUM - Produces Erroneous Numbers Through Incorect Understanding of Mathematics
WWW - World Wide Wait
CD-ROM - Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months
COBOL - Completely Outdated Because Of Length
MIPS - Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed
WINDOWS - Will Install Needless Data On Whole System
OS/2 - Obsolete Soon, Too
MICROSOFT - Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers
LISP - Lots of Infuriating, Silly Parentheses
RISC - Reduced Into Silly Code
DOS - Defective Operating System
IBM - I Blame Microsoft
DEC - Do Expect Cuts
COMPUTER SPECIFIC OXYMORONS
Advanced BASIC
Software Documentation
Computer Jock
Web Security
Microsoft Works
| 
