How To Pick Up Someone During an International Planeflight

Chris and I had the “pleasure” of being subjected to nonstop conversation directly behind us during our flight to Germany last week. A man and a woman, about our age.

And, boy, were they both interesting. Hard to decide which was moreso: him (talked about his ex-girlfriend’s pregnant sister, whose declaration of her homosexuality supposedly contributed to the end of his girlfriend’s relationship with him) or her (talked about her upcoming flight to Kazakhstan, where she was to hand out condoms and provide family awareness training).

What’s really sad is that I took the time to write the good stuff down. Of course, we couldn’t do anything else (such as, oh, sleep) because they continually chatted during just about the entire
seven-hour flight.

Sure, it’s all out of context, but who cares? All dialogue is guaranteed to have occurred (this is all from the guy).

1. C’mon! I thought you were a fun girl!

2. Hey! What’s with the elbow? You’re gonna give me a bruise!

3. You know, even though I know a great deal about (insert weighty subject), I’m still amazed at (insert inane fact).

4. What scent are you wearing? You didn’t tell me.

5. Thanks, but I couldn’t take food out of your mouth. You gotta like a woman who offers, though.

6. Was that refreshing?

7. You look very attractive, you’re very bright.

8. Wait a minute, I’ve gotta retch.

9. I should be suppressed.

10. Right…right…right…let’s make it $1000.

11. Whoa! You’re kidding me! Get outta here!

12. Well, some would consider that a pleasure.

13. I’ve had that feeling. I hope to have it again.

14. That wasn’t the reaction I was expecting.

15. Overall, I’d have to say that’s your most alluring quality.

16. How do you shake hands?

17. How old is the fella you spent the night with?

18. I heard that on the Howard Stern show. I try not to think about it.

19. Actually, I won’t be able to hear about your love life for a while…I won a trip to Cancun.

And, a few final quotes from our victims:

Chris, after overhearing that Mr. Slick would be attending CeBIT with us: “If I see him there, I’m going to punch him.” And to think, there were still five gab-filled hours left on the flight when he said it.

Ben, after bringing out his earplugs: “Yeah, I bring them along in my carry-on in case I’m sitting next to a couple of yammering idiots.” They didn’t help.