How old are you?

How old does this make you feel?

The people who are starting college this fall across the nation were born in 1980.

They have no meaningful recollection of the Reagan era, and do not know he had ever been shot.

They were prepubescent when the Persian Gulf War was waged.

Black Monday 1987 is as significant to them as the Great Depression.

There has only been one Pope. They can only really remember one president.

They were 11 when the Soviet Union broke apart, and do not remember the Cold War.

They have never feared a nuclear war. “The Day After” is a pill to them, not a movie.

CCCP is just a bunch of letters.

They have only known one Germany.

They are too young to remember the Space shuttle blowing up, and Tienamin Square means nothing to them. They do not know who Qadafi is.

Their lifetime has always included AIDS.

They never had a Polio shot, and likely, do not know what it is.

Bottle caps have not only always been screw off, but have always been plastic.

They have no idea what a pull top can looks like.

Atari predates them, as do vinyl albums. The expression “you sound like a broken record” means nothing to them. They have never owned a record player.

They have likely never played Pac Man, and have never heard of Pong.

“Star Wars” looks very fake and the special effects are pathetic.

There have always been Red M&Ms, and Blue ones are not new. What do you mean there used to be beige ones?

They may have heard of an 8-track, but chances are they probably have never actually seen or heard one.

The Compact Disc was introduced when they were 1 year old.

As far as they know, stamps have always cost about 32 cents.

Zip codes have always had a dash in them.

They have always had an answering machine.

Most have never seen a TV set with only 13 channels, nor have they seen a black and white TV.

They have always had cable.

There have always been VCRs, but they have no idea what Beta is.

They cannot fathom not having a remote control.

They were born the year that Walkmen were introduced by Sony.

Roller-skating has always meant inline for them.

They have never heard of King Cola, Burger Chef, The Globe Democrat, PanAM or Ozark Airlines.

The Tonight Show has always been with Jay Leno.

They have no idea when or why Jordache jeans were cool.

Popcorn has always been cooked in a microwave.

They have never seen and remember a game that included the St. Louis (Football) Cardinals, the Baltimore Colts, the Minnesota North Stars, the Kansas City Kings, the New Orleans Jazz, The Minnesota Lakers, The Atlanta Flames, or the Denver Rockies (NHL Hockey, that is)

They do not consider the Colorado Rockies, the Florida Marlins, The Florida Panthers, The Ottawa Senators, the San Jose Sharks, or the Tampa Bay Lightning “expansion teams”

They have never seen Larry Bird play, and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar is a football player.

They never took a swim and thought about Jaws.

The Vietnam War is as ancient history to them as W.W.I, W.W.II or even the Civil War.

They have no idea that Americans were ever held hostage in Iran.

They can’t imagine what hard contact lenses are.

They don’t know who Mork was or where he was from.

They never heard the terms “Where’s the beef?”, “I’d Walk a mile for a Camel,” or “de plane, de plane!”. They do not care who shot J. R. and have no idea who J. R. is.

The Cosby Show, The Facts of Life, Silver Spoon, The Love Boat, Miami Vice, WKRP in Cincinnati, and Taxi are shows they have likely never seen.

The Titanic was found? I thought we always knew where it was.

They cannot remember the Orioles ever winning a World Series, or even being in one.

Kansas, Chicago, Boston, America, and Alabama are places, not groups.

McDonald’s never came in Styrofoam containers.

Do you feel old now? Remember, the people who don’t know these things will be in college this year. (Keep in mind this joke is now ten years old!)

Date: Thu, 10 Sep 1998 10:42:39 -0400 (EDT)