A couple of blond men in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard. One of the blond men walked in the office and said, “We need some four-by-twos.” The clerk said, “You mean two-by-fours, don’t you?” The man said, “I’ll go check,” and went back to the truck. He returned a minute later and said, …
A little boy is in school working on his arithmetic. The teacher says, “Imagine there are 5 blackbirds sitting on a fence. You pick up your BB gun and shoot one. How many blackbirds are left?” The little boy thinks for a moment and says, “NONE!” The teacher replies, “None — how do you figure …
Bill Clinton and his driver were cruising along a country road one night when all of a sudden they hit a pig, killing it instantly. Bill told his driver to go up to the farm house and explain to the owners what had happened. About 1 hour later, Bill sees his driver staggering back to …
Last Name: ________________ First name: (Check appropriate box): (_) Billy-Bob (_) Billy-Joe (_) Billy-Ray (_) Billy-Sue (_) Billy-Mae (_) Billy-Jack (_) Billy Age: ____, if known Sex: ____ M _____ F _____ N/A Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right Occupation: (phonetic spellings available) (_) Farmer (_) Mechanic (_) Hair Dresser (_) Un-employed Spouse’s Name: __________________________ …
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A blonde wanted to go ice fishing; so, after reading many books on the subject and gathering all of the necessary equipment, she made for the nearest frozen lake. After positioning her comfy foot stool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice. Suddenly, as if from the sky, a voice boomed out, …
A young woman said to her doctor, “You have to help me, I hurt all over.” “What do you mean?” said the doctor. The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, “Ow, that hurts.” Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, “Ouch! That hurts, too.” Then she touched her …
One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated, waiting for the cockpit crew to show up so they can get under way. The pilot and co-pilot finally appear in the rear of the plane, and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle. Both appear to be …
A few months ago, there was an opening with the CIA for an assassin. These highly classified positions are hard to fill, and there’s a lot of testing and background checks involved before you can even be considered for the position. After sending some applicants through the background checks, training and testing, they narrowed the …
Mr. Wilkens’ wife was lost at sea while scuba diving. Late in the evening of the search’s second day, he answered the door and was greeted by two grim-faced policemen. “We’re sorry to call on you at this hour, Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife.” “Well . . . tell me!” …
