NEWS BULLETIN – Men and women are NOT alike. Sure, you thought you already knew that. But now we have proof! After countless hours of surveys and studies on the following topics, these facts have emerged: Relationships: First of all, a man does not call a relationship a relationship – he refers to it as …
WOMEN: A Chemical Analysis ELEMENT: Woman SYMBOL: Wo DISCOVERER: Adam ATOMIC MASS: Accepted as 118 lbs., but known to vary from 75 to 550 lbs. OCCURRENCE: Copious quantities throughout the world PHYSICAL PROPERTIES: 1. Surface usually covered with a painted film. 2. Boils at nothing, freezes without reason. 3. Melts if given special treatment. 4. …
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General Motors doesn’t have a “help line” for people who don’t know how to drive, because people don’t buy/use cars like they buy/use computers HELPLINE: “General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?” CUSTOMER: “I got in my car and closed the door, and nothing happened!” HELPLINE: “Did you put the key in the ignition …
1. How big is the Internet? When did it start? How did it grow? The Internet is actually much smaller than most people think. It is primarily composed of fiber optic cables no thicker than a human hair, which can be conveniently rolled up and stored in a foot locker. Janitors at the National Science …
Micro was a real time user and a dedicated multi-user. His broad-band protocol made it easy for him to interface with numerous input/output devices, even if it meant time sharing. One evening Micro arrived home just as the sun was crashing. He had parked his Motorola 68000 in the main drive – he had missed …
Dear Cassius: Are you still working on the Y zero K problem? This change from BC to AD is giving us a lot of headaches and we haven’t much time left. I don’t know how people will cope with working the wrong way around. Having been working happily downwards forever, now we have to start …
Did you hear about the disaster at a major U.S. University? A team of scientists were cloning monkeys and one of them blew up. The researchers are now trying to determine what went wrong by sifting through the Rhesus’ pieces. Date: Mon, 29 Mar 1999 14:23:57 -0500
Just Who Is Jack Schitt Anyway? Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says, “You don’t know Jack Schitt.” Now you can handle the situation. Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Kneedeep N. Schitt Inc. …
A man runs into the vet’s office carrying his dog, screaming for help. The vet rushes him back to an examination room and has him put his dog down on the examination table. The vet examines the still, limp body and after a few moments tells the man that his dog, regrettable, is dead. The …
Even if you aren’t a skier, you’ll be able to appreciate the humor of the slopes as written in this account by a New Orleans paper: A friend just got back from a holiday ski trip to Utah with the kind of story that warms the cockels of anybody’s heart. Conditions were perfect, 12 below, …
