21 Reasons Why Star Wars Is Better Than Titanic The Titanic is big, but it doesn’t have hyperdrive. Yoda could use the Force to lift Titanic out of the water. Leia is a princess, a senator, a freedom fighter, and Jedi material; Rose is just marriage bait. Ewoks throw better parties than either first class …
Top 10 Signs You’re At A Redneck Wedding 10. Rehearsal dinner held at Hooters 9. Instead of “Friends of the bride or friends of the groom?” ushers ask “Ford Or Chevy?” 8. Bridesmaids: Pink Tube Tops Groomsmen: Travis Tritt T-Shirts 7. Phrase “I Do” replaced by “I Heard That” 6. Tender rendition of “The Wedding …
By Joel Garreau, as reported in his Cybersurfing column in the Washington Post. QUESTION: Where do the characters go when I use my backspace or delete them on my PC? ANSWER: The characters go to different places, depending on whom you ask: The Catholic Church’s approach to characters: The nice characters go to Heaven, where …
20) Can’t stick their heads out of Windows ’95. 19) Fetch command not available on all platforms. 18) Hard to read the monitor with your head cocked to one side. 17) Too difficult to “mark” every website they visit. 16) Can’t help attacking the screen when they hear “You’ve Got Mail.” 15) Fire hydrant icon …
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10. I think of you as a brother. (You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in “Deliverance.”) 9. There’s a slight difference in our ages. (You are one jurassic geezer.) 8. I’m not attracted to you in ‘that’ way. (You are the ugliest dork I’ve ever laid eyes upon.) 7. My life is too …
1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and travelled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere. 2. The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, Adam and …
You know a woman has PMS when….. She stops reading Glamour and starts reading Guns and Ammo. She considers chocolate a major FDA food group. She puts on one of those pads with “wings,” then flies off the roof laughing hysterically while riding a broom. She’s developed a new talent for spinning her head around …
How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the psycho path. How do you get holy water? Boil the hell out of it. What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall? “Damn.” What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long? Polaroids. What do prisoners use to call …
Top 25 Lines in Star Wars that Can Be Improved by Substituting the word “Pants” A tremor in the pants. The last time I felt this was in the presence of my old master. You are unwise to lower your pants. We’ve got to be able to get some reading on those pants, up or …
MANAGEMENT SPEAK: That’s very interesting. TRANSLATION: I disagree. MANAGEMENT SPEAK: I don’t disagree. TRANSLATION: I disagree. MANAGEMENT SPEAK: I don’t totally disagree with you. TRANSLATION: You may be right, but I don’t care. MANAGEMENT SPEAK: You have to show some flexibility. TRANSLATION: You have to do it whether you want to or not. MANAGEMENT SPEAK: …
