Kurt Vonnegut’s commencement address at MIT: ==================================== Ladies and gentlemen of the class of ’97: Wear sunscreen. If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my …
AND YOU THOUGHT YOU HAD COMPUTER PROBLEMS… Check out these excerpts from a Wall street Journal article by Jim Carlton. 1) Compaq is considering changing the command “Press any key”to “Press Return key” because of the floods of calls asking where the any key is. 2) AST Technical support had a caller complaining that her …
One of (Insert your favorite telco)’s finest techs was drafted and sent to boot camp. At the rifle range, he was given some instruction, a rifle and bullets. He fired several shots at the target. The report came from the target area that all attempts had completely missed the target. The tech looked at his …
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don’t have film. When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty. Seen it all, done it all, can’t remember most of it. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don’t. I feel like I’m diagonally parked in a parallel universe. He’s not dead, He’s …
From the corporate and Silicon Valley jungles. “batmobiling” putting up emotional shields from the retracting armor that covers the batmobile as in “she started talking marriage and he started batmobiling” “betamaxed” when a technology is overtaken in the market by inferior but better marketed competition as in “Microsoft betamaxed Apple right out of the market” …
If you receive an e-mail with a subject line of “Badtimes,” delete it immediately WITHOUT reading it. This is the most dangerous Email virus yet. It will re-write your hard drive. Not only that, but it will scramble any disks that are even close to your computer. It will recalibrate your refrigerator’s coolness setting so …
In the beginning there was the computer. And God said, c:\Let there be light! Enter user id. c:\God Enter password. c:\Omniscient Password incorrect. Try again. c:\Omnipotent Password incorrect. Try again. c:\Technocrat And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Sunday, March 1. c:\Let there be light! Unrecognizable command. Try again. c:\Create light Done c:\Run heaven and …
A Preacher wanted to raise money for his church and, being told there were fortunes in Race horses, he decided to purchase one and enter it in the races. However, at the local auction, the going price for horses was so steep he ended up buying a donkey instead. He figured that since he had …
One night, a Delta twin-engine puddle jumper was flying somewhere above New Jersey. There were five people on board: the pilot, Michael Jordan, Bill Gates, the Dali Lama, and a hippie. Suddenly, an illegal oxygen generator exploded loudly in the luggage compartment, and the passenger cabin began to fill with smoke. The cockpit door opened, …
Ok, the story behind this… There’s this nutball who digs things out his back yard and sends the stuff he finds to the Smithsonian Institute, labeling them with scientific names, insisting that they are actual archeological finds. The really weird thing about these letters is that this guy really exists and does this in his …
