“Do you believe in life after death?” the boss asked one of his employees. “Yes, sir,” the clerk replied. “That’s good,” the boss said. “After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother’s funeral, she stopped in to see you.” Date: Thu, 2 Jul 1998 13:42:35 -0500
A farmer and his wife went to a fair. The farmer was fascinated by the old open cockpit airplanes and asked a pilot how much a ride would cost. “$10 for 3 minutes,” replied the pilot. “That’s too much,” said the farmer. The pilot thought for a second and then said, “I’ll make you a …
A blonde is visiting Washington, DC. This is her first time to the city, so she wants to see the Capitol building. Unfortunately, she can’t find it, so she asks a police officer for directions. “Excuse me, officer,” the blonde says, “how do I get to the Capitol building?” The officer says, “Wait here at …
So there’s this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. “Yoo Hoo!” she shouts. “How can I get to the other side?” The second blonde looks up the river then down and shouts back, “You are on the other side.” Date: Thu, 2 Jul …
A fellow walks into his doctor’s office, complaining that he thinks he might have a tapeworm. The doctor makes a physical examination and listens to the symptoms, and concurs with the self diagnosis. “I want you to come back tomorrow, to start treatment. And bring a banana and a cookie with you” said the doctor. …
The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of negotiations, Her Majesty Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phased plan for what will …
An engineering student is walking on campus one day when another engineer rides up on a shiny new motorcycle. “Where did you get such a rockin’ bike?” asked the first. The second engineer replied “Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw …
LORD HELP ME……… Lord help me to relax about insignificant details beginning tomorrow at 7:41:23 AM PST. Lord help me to consider people’s feelings, even if most of them ARE hypersensitive. Lord help me to take responsibility for my own actions, even though they’re usually NOT my fault. Lord, help me to not try to …
THE FOLLOWING ARE ALL QUOTES FROM 11 YEAR OLDS’ SCIENCE EXAMS: “Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.” “When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire.” “H20 is hot water, and CO2 is cold water.” “To collect fumes of sulphur, …
A team of archaeologists were excavating in Israel when they came upon a cave. Written on the wall of the cave were the following symbols in order of appearance. 1. A dog 2. A donkey 3. A shovel 4. A fish 5. A Star of David They decided that this was a unique find and …
