Seeing Eye Dogs There’s a guy with a Doberman Pinscher and a guy with a Chihuahua. The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says to the guy with a Chihuahua, “Let’s go over to that restaurant and get something to eat.” The guy with the Chihuahua says, “We can’t go in there. We’ve got dogs with …
Did you know they’re using attorneys for lab experiments now? There are three reasons: (1) there are more of them, (2) there is less emotion involved in the experiments (the lab technicians don’t grow as attached), (3) there are certain things you just can’t get a rat to do.
Once upon a time, there lived a princess who was horribly ugly. No local noble would even look at her, much less ask for her hand in marriage. One day, her father the king heard of a magical mud that, when applied to one’s face, makes one beautiful. Thinking his problems are solved, he sends …
Two brothers, John and Richard lived in the same town. John with his 12 year old cat, Richard with their 88 year old Mother. John’s whole life was his cat. He never went anywhere without her. One day he was faced with a terrible decision. He had to go to England on business for his …
A Frenchman, an Englishman, and an American are captured by cannibals. When they meet the chief of the tribe, he tells them “Look, you’re going to die anyway. But you have a choice. You can die with honor if you wish. But if you do not die an honorable death, we’ll turn your hides into …
The Lone Ranger and Tonto were riding across the plains one day, when Tonto suddenly cocked his ear at a passing falcoln’s cry. “Kemosabe… Apache to East!” he whispered. The Lone Ranger looked to his faithful companion. “What do we do?” Tonto pondered a moment. “We ride West!” After riding a short while, Tonto again …
DO RE MI DRINK, by Homer J. Simpson. *ahem* La la la la…. *ahem* LAAAAAAA!! DO…… the stuff… that buys me beer… RAY….. the guy that sells me beer… ME…… the guy… who drinks the beer, FAR….. a long way to get beer… SO…… I’ll have another beer… LA…… I’ll have another beer… TEA….. no …
A man reads in the paper of a white gorilla in a zoo far away. He decides that he just has to see it. The journey will be a long and arduous one but he simply cannot resist. He sets out on his trip and travels by car to the docks, and catches a boat …
This L.A. guy bought a brand new Mercedes and as luck would have it, he pulled up to a stoplight next to a guy with the same car. They eyed each other and the other guy said,” You got a phone in yours?” “Yes, I’ve got a phone!” “You got a TV?” “Yes, I’ve got …
December 8: 6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow! …
