Bob was showing off his bird dog to his friend Bill. They went down towards a lake and Bob said to the dog, “How many ducks are there boy?” The dog raced off to the lake, came back a couple of minutes later, and barked twice. Seconds later, two ducks floated into view. “That was …
One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated, waiting for the cockpit crew to show up so they can get under way. The pilot and co-pilot finally appear in the rear of the plane, and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle. Both appear to be …
Mr. Wilkens’ wife was lost at sea while scuba diving. Late in the evening of the search’s second day, he answered the door and was greeted by two grim-faced policemen. “We’re sorry to call on you at this hour, Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife.” “Well . . . tell me!” …
Kirk – Ah… hello Mister Spock. Spock – Good day, Captain. Kirk – Are you an avid baseball fan? Spock – Baseball is a tactical game played on a geometric pattern of 4 sides with a spherical object. The purpose is to knock the ‘s**t out of’ the object amidst loud verbalisations of ‘Hurrah’ and …
Two guys are bungee-jumping one day. The first guy says to the second. “You know, we could make a lot of money running our own bungee-jumping service in Mexico.” The second guy thinks this is a great idea, so the two pool their money and buy everything they’ll need – a tower, an elastic cord, …
A stingy old lawyer who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness was determined to prove wrong the saying, “You can’t take it with you.” After much thought and consideration, the old ambulance-chaser finally figured out how to take at least some of his money with him when he died. He instructed his wife to …
READ this sentence: FINISHED FILES ARE THE RE- SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTIF- IC STUDY COMBINED WITH THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS. Now, count aloud the F’s in that sentence. Count them ONLY ONCE; do not go back and count them again. See below… Answer below. ANSWER: There are six F’s in the sentence. One of …
A man, called in for an audit by the Internal Revenue Service, (American taxation department) asked his accountant for advice on what to wear. “Wear your shabbiest clothing. Let him think you are a pauper.” Then he asked his lawyer the same question, but got the opposite advice. “Do not let them intimidate you. Wear …
A dog thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me… They must be Gods! A cat thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet …
Ode to “Titanic” (to the tune of the “Gilligan’s Island” theme) ————————————————————— Just sit right back and you’ll hear a tale, A tale of a fateful flick. That started from this Hampton port Aboard the Titanic. My mate promised lots of sailing lore, But Cupid shot his bow. Her heart set sail with Jack that …
