DHL Frustrations

I got a call this morning from DHL. A package to be delivered to me at work had a wrong address. Rather nice of them to call me, instead of simply returning the package to the sender. So I called them back, and talked to a nice gentleman. He asked to put me on hold for a moment. Ten minutes later I hung up. I called again a few minutes later. No answer. I called a few hours later, talked to someone, and got put on hold again. Five minutes later, the address got fixed.

While I was on hold the last time, I tried to use their web site to check out the status of the delivery. Their system never heard of the tracking ID number I had. Their online support system is only for senders, but they don’t tell you that until you get two screens into the system. Unless DHL is massively cheaper than UPS or Fedex, I can’t say I would use DHL for any of my shipping needs.

Junk Mail

I have a PO Box at the post office downtown. I originally got this box because I knew I would be moving several times in a relatively short amount of time. I’ve had the box for over a year now, and get all of my bills, magazines, and correspondence there. Of course, there is also a mailbox at my apartment, but no one has any reason to mail me anything there. So, you’d think it would never be used, right?

Wrong!

I get two to five pieces of mail at home each week. This is all JUNK mail. It goes unread into the recycling bin. I do like getting the Val-Pak coupons, but if the cost of getting that ONE mailing, four times a year is to get over 150 pieces of mail that gets pitched immediately unread, then I can do without that nice blue package of Val-Pak coupons.

At the PO Box I get five to ten pieces of junk mail each week. That count includes mailings from Guideposts Magazine about buying their books, multiple mailings from my alma mater (that I have already received at my office – twice!), and of course more of the same stuff that I’ve already received at my home.

Five pieces of junk mail a week, times 52 weeks, times three pages of paper on average per mailing, equals 780 pieces of paper. Add in the ink, the postage, the hassle in sorting out the chaff from the wheat, and I get pretty steamed. There is a wastebasket near the row of PO Boxes. Every time the Kroger’s flyer comes out, the waste basket is full of them. Can this really be an effective marketing tool? And to top it off, when you visit Kroger’s there is a large stack of these flyers at the front door. Hello, McFly?!?

I have started writing letters to various junk mailers asking to be removed from their mailing lists. The only response so far has been a nice letter from Kroger’s (a grocery store chain) saying that they get the addresses from the post office and there’s nothing they can do to remove me from the mailing list.

A very helpful web page I’ve found is How to Get Rid of Junk Mail, Spam, and Telemarketers. I have just started to follow some of the advice found on these pages. I’ll let you know what happens.

I’ve already done a few things. One thing I have already done is write to the Direct Marketing Association to get added to a list of people that do not want to receive junk mail or phone solicitations. What happens in this Opt-Out list is member firms of the D.M.A. get a list once a quarter and purge names from their lists. Of course, membership in the D.M.A is totally voluntary, so a lot of smaller firms (like Kroger’s) don’t join. But I think I’ve seen a small decrease in the amount of calls and junk mail I get.

Write to the D.M.A. at these addresses:

Direct Marketing Association
Telephone Preference Service
P.O. Box 9014
Farmingdale, NY 11735-9014

Direct Marketing Association
Mail Preference Service
P.O. Box 9008
Farmingdale, NY 11735-9008

In your letters (you need to send two), mention all telephone numbers that you want excluded, all mailing addresses, all variations of all household member’s names, and be polite. You should get an acknowledgement from the D.M.A. in three to six months that they’ve updated their records. It’s my guess that they’re so slow because it is in their own best interest to be slow in adding people to this service. After all, the direct marketers (the junk mailers) are hoping to make money off of you.

It is also not in the post office’s best interest to help you with minimizing the amount of junk mail you get. After all, they are getting paid to deliver the stuff. I would think that instead of raising the first class postage rate to 33 cents next year, they should raise third class/bulk rate by 3% and see if that allows them to stay in the black.

I also used to own my own business. I paid my taxes, kept receipts of deductions, learned a lot, and used a box at a UPS store for my mailing address. It looked a lot more professional than using a PO Box. I closed the business in 1996, but I kept the box open to see how much junk mail I would get. I still get ten to fifteen pieces of junk mail a week. The first class mail gets “Return to Sender” written on it; companies with 800 numbers listed get a call asking to be removed; and the rest gets recycled. I’m going to start writing to them and see what kind of response I get.

I also have an unlisted phone number at home to keep my phone number and address private.

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The Little Princess (April 24, 2004)

My wife and I attended The Little Princess performed by the Young People’s Theatre. The show was quite entertaining, although the uneven sound quality was quite distracting. I can’t imagine how hard it was to coordinate the 20+ children actors to have this 2 1/2 hour production come together.

How To Pick Up Someone During an International Planeflight

Chris and I had the “pleasure” of being subjected to nonstop conversation directly behind us during our flight to Germany last week. A man and a woman, about our age.

And, boy, were they both interesting. Hard to decide which was moreso: him (talked about his ex-girlfriend’s pregnant sister, whose declaration of her homosexuality supposedly contributed to the end of his girlfriend’s relationship with him) or her (talked about her upcoming flight to Kazakhstan, where she was to hand out condoms and provide family awareness training).

What’s really sad is that I took the time to write the good stuff down. Of course, we couldn’t do anything else (such as, oh, sleep) because they continually chatted during just about the entire
seven-hour flight.

Sure, it’s all out of context, but who cares? All dialogue is guaranteed to have occurred (this is all from the guy).

1. C’mon! I thought you were a fun girl!

2. Hey! What’s with the elbow? You’re gonna give me a bruise!

3. You know, even though I know a great deal about (insert weighty subject), I’m still amazed at (insert inane fact).

4. What scent are you wearing? You didn’t tell me.

5. Thanks, but I couldn’t take food out of your mouth. You gotta like a woman who offers, though.

6. Was that refreshing?

7. You look very attractive, you’re very bright.

8. Wait a minute, I’ve gotta retch.

9. I should be suppressed.

10. Right…right…right…let’s make it $1000.

11. Whoa! You’re kidding me! Get outta here!

12. Well, some would consider that a pleasure.

13. I’ve had that feeling. I hope to have it again.

14. That wasn’t the reaction I was expecting.

15. Overall, I’d have to say that’s your most alluring quality.

16. How do you shake hands?

17. How old is the fella you spent the night with?

18. I heard that on the Howard Stern show. I try not to think about it.

19. Actually, I won’t be able to hear about your love life for a while…I won a trip to Cancun.

And, a few final quotes from our victims:

Chris, after overhearing that Mr. Slick would be attending CeBIT with us: “If I see him there, I’m going to punch him.” And to think, there were still five gab-filled hours left on the flight when he said it.

Ben, after bringing out his earplugs: “Yeah, I bring them along in my carry-on in case I’m sitting next to a couple of yammering idiots.” They didn’t help.