The Feds

“Despite almost every experience I’ve ever had with federal authority, I keep imagining its competence.” — John Perry Barlow

Truth

“He who does not bellow the truth when he knows the truth makes himself the accomplice of liars and forgers.” – Charles Peguy

Laws

“Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.” – Plato (427-347 B.C.)

Infinite

“The only two things that are infinite in size are the universe and human stupidity. And I’m not completely sure about the universe.” — Albert Einstein

Abandon Hope

Question: “Abandon all hope, ye who enter here” (yes,I know that’s a terrible misquote… I’ve never found the correct version, though I know the preceding ain’t it)

Answer: Coming from Canto III, line 9, of Dante’s Inferno, there are bound to be different versions. The original is in Renaissance-era Italian.

“Abandon all hope, ye who enter here.” (forgot whose translation)

“All hope abandon, ye who enter in!” (Longfellow translation)

“Abandon every hope, who enter here” (Mandelbaum translation)

“All hope renounce, ye lost, who enter here.” (Wright translation)

Happy Independence Day!

I hope you are having a happy and safe 4th. How much do you really know about our country? Take my trivia quiz on questions from the U.S. Citizenship test. (Edited 2013-01-31: Sorry, the quiz system is broken.)

Netflix Traffic update for June 2006

Not a bad month. Nine DVDs, one was damaged. Average return time was 7.27 hours; longest time was 10.68 hours, quickest was 5.28.

Netflix Analysis

I also have a new chart, the ten dvd moving average. This chart shows the ten dvd moving average of the amount of time it takes to send the next disc to me. By averaging out the time over the most recent ten discs, that would minimize the amount of damage a single delayed shipment would have on the chart. This shows that early 2005, late 2005, and early 2006 I was either being throttled, or Netflix was having problems in their shipping centers. Since February 2006, things are looking ok.

Netflix Analysis Ten Dvd Average

Someone asked me how I calculate these numbers. I have a spreadsheet that I enter in the times from the emails I receive. Netflix sends out an email when they receive a DVD, and when they mail one. Yes, Netflix could game the system, but hopefully they won’t do that.

There are three columns of data I enter:

Column 1: Time Netflix Receives a DVD
Entered in military time. This is almost always before noon. There have only been 15 discs received after 10am, of the 326 I’ve sent back.
Column 2: Time Netflix Mails a DVD
Entered in military time.
Column 3: Extra Day
zero or one. If the next DVD is mailed the same day one was received, enter a zero (or simply leave blank). If the next disc is mailed the next day, enter a one. I have only once had a disc get returned on Friday, and have the next disc mailed on Monday, after the weekend. I counted that as a one, but I could count it as a two, since there was a delay of two mailing days. Twice I have had the disc mailed the next day, but earlier than the time it was received. So for those I enter a zero, but the time ends up as around 20 hours.

There are six columns that the spreadsheet calculates:

Column 4: Subtract Column 1 from Column 2
This will tell you how many hours and minutes have elapsed. I format this as a time, not as a number.
Column 5: Hours
I extract the hours from Column 4. The Excel formula is =HOUR(Column4)
Column 6: Minutes
I extract the minutes from Column 4. The Excel formula is =MINUTE(Column4)
Column 7: Total Hours
Add in the extra hours for any shipments that were done the next day. The Excel formula is =Column5 + (24 * Column3)
Column 8: Decimal portion of an hour
What fraction of an hour was the minutes? 30 minutes = 50%. The Excel formula is =(Column6 / 60). I format this to two decimal places.
Column 9: Total time
How long was between Netflix receiving a disc, and mailing the next? Simply add Column 7 and 8.

At the end of the month, I simply use these three formulas to get the data that I chart.

Column 10: Average time
=AVERAGE(Column9 range for the month)
Column 11: Maximum time
=MAX(Column9 range for the month)
Column 12: Minimum time
=MIN(Column9 range for the month)

Does all that makes sense? Just ask if I’ve muddled the waters more than cleared things up.

Microsoft adCenter junk mail

At work yesterday I received a glossy advertisement from Microsoft touting their new adCenter. Beyond the irony of using postal junk mail to advertise an online advertising platform is the irony of the opt-out method for stopping this junk in the future.

If you prefer not to receive future promotional mailings of this type from Microsoft, please send this mailing back to the sender with the following text visible to the recipient: “return to sender” and “unsubscribe me from your list.” We will promptly update your contact preferences; however, please be aware you may still receive previously initiated promotional communications.

The sender? That would be “Microsoft adCenter.” The nice letter was signed by a Corporate Vice President, Joanne Bradford, should I mail my note to her?

Why can’t they simply set up a web page somewhere at microsoft.com to allow me to opt-out? There is already a unique code on the inside of the mailing, which is also on my address label printed on the envelope. I’m so sure that MS has a staff of people waiting to go through dozens of opt-out requests. Or they could hire one programmer (I’m sure they have some out there somewhere that aren’t busy screwing up Vista and Office 200x) to spend a couple days to integrate their address label system with an opt-out system.

Jordon thinks one of the jokes here is cool

I have no idea who Jordon is, but his blog got spidered by Google. And then I got an email that the GoogleBot had found “planetmike.com” mentioned on a new page. I’m glad you liked the joke Jordon. I need to add a bunch more.

(Updated 2008-01-26: His site is gone.)