Modern Irish Blessing

May you get a clean bill of health from your dentist,
your cardiologist,
your gastro-enterologist,
your urologist,
your proctologist,
your podiatrist,
your psychiatrist,
your plumber
and the I.R.S.

May your hair,
your teeth,
your face-lift,
your abs
and your stocks
not fall;
and may your blood pressure,
your triglycerides,
your cholesterol,
your white blood count
and your mortgage interest
not rise.

May you find a way to travel from anywhere to anywhere in the rush hour in less than an hour,
and when you get there may you find a parking space.

May Friday evening, December 31, find you at home ushering in the New Year.
You will find the food better,
the environment quieter,
the cost much cheaper,
and the pleasure much more fulfilling than anything else you might ordinarily do that night.

May you wake up on January 1st, finding that the world has not
come to an end,
the lights work,
the water faucets flow,
and the sky has not fallen.

May you go to the bank on Monday morning, January 3rd and find
your account is in order,
your money is still there and any mistakes are in your favor.

May you ponder on January 4th: How did this ultramodern civilization
of ours manage to get itself traumatized by a possible slip of a blip
on a chip made out of sand?

May we relax about the Third Millennium of the Common Era,
and realize that we still have 240 years until the dawn
of the Sixth Millennium of the Jewish Calendar — by which time the
computer is long since obsolete and so are we.

May God give you the strength to go through a year of presidential
campaigning, and may some of the promises made be kept. May you
believe at least half of what the candidates propose, and may those
elected fulfill at least half of what they promise, and the miracle of
reducing taxes and balancing budgets happen.

May you be awestruck by God’s sense of humor as you wrestle with
the possibility that a professional wrestler could become President of
the United States.

May what you see in the mirror delight you, and what others see in
you delight them.

May someone love you enough to forgive your faults, be blind to your
blemishes, and tell the world about your virtues.

May the telemarketers wait to make their sales calls until you finish
dinner, and may your checkbook and your budget balance, and may
they include generous amounts for charity.

May you remember to say “I Love You” at least once a day to your
spouse, your child, your parent; but not to your secretary, your
nurse, your masseuse, your hairdresser or your tennis instructor.

And may we live in a world at peace and the awareness of God’s
love in every sunset, every flower’s unfolding petals, every baby’s
smile, every lover’s kiss, and every wonderful, astonishing, miraculous
beat of our heart.