An Annotated Thermometer

60- Californians put on sweaters (if they can find one in their wardrobe)

50- Miami residents turn on the heat

40- You can see your breath
Californians shiver uncontrollably
Minnesotans go swimming

35- Italian cars don’t start

32- Water freezes

30- You plan your vacation to Australia
Minnesotans put on T-shirts
Politicians begin to worry about the homeless
British cars don’t start
Your boogers freeze

25- Boston water freezes
Californians weep pitiably
Minnesotans eat ice cream
Canadians go swimming

20- You can hear your breath
Politicians begin to talk about the homeless
New York City water freezes
Miami residents plan vacation further South

15- French cars don’t start
You plan a vacation in Mexico
Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you

10- Too cold to ski
You need jumper cables to get the car going

5- You plan your vacation in Houston
American cars don’t start

0- Alaskans put on T-shirts
Too cold to skate

-10 – German cars don’t start
Eyes freeze shut when you blink

-15 – You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo
Arkansans stick tongue on metal objects
Miami residents cease to exist

-20 – Cat insists on sleeping in your pajamas with you
Politicians actually do something about the homeless
Minnesotans shovel snow off roof
Japanese cars don’t start

-25 – Too cold to think
You need jumper cables to get the driver going

-30 – You plan a two week hot bath
The Mighty Monongahela freezes
Swedish cars don’t start

-40 – Californians disappear
Minnesotans button top button
Canadians put on sweaters
Your car helps you plan your trip South

-50 – Congressional hot air freeze
Alaskans close the bathroom window

-80 – Hell freezes over