The Night Before Christmas (A Visit From St. Nicholas) by Clement Clarke Moore (the original text, so not really a joke, but it’s nice to know what’s being spoofed elsewhere.) ‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse; The stockings were hung by the …
Twas the night before finals, and all through the college, The students were praying for last minute knowledge. Most were quite sleepy, but none touched their beds, While visions of essays danced in their heads. Out in the taverns, a few were still drinking, And hoping that liquor would loosen their thinking. In my own …
‘Twas the night before Christmas and Santa’s a wreck… How to live in a world that’s politically correct? His workers no longer would answer to “Elves”, “Vertically Challenged” they were calling themselves. And labor conditions at the north pole Were alleged by the union to stifle the soul. Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety, …
A woman was trying to board a bus, but her skirt was too tight and she couldn’t step up. She reached behind her and lowered the zipper a bit and tried again. The Skirt was still too tight. She reached behind her and lowered the zipper some more. She still couldn’t get on the bus …
A grandmother is throwing a party for her granddaughter, and had gone all out….. a caterer, band, and a hired clown. Just before the party started, two bums showed up looking for a handout. Feeling sorry for the bums, the woman told them that she would give them a meal if they will help chop …
Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker were having one of their little father and son chats. Lightsabers drawn and sparks flying. Vader pinned Luke against a bulkhead and glared into his face, “I know what you’re getting for Christmas, Luke,” he said, “Ohhh, yes! I know!” Luke fought himself free and jumped to a higher platform …
‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the ship Not a circuit was buzzing, not one microchip; The phasers were hung in the arm’ry securely, In hope that no aliens would get up that early. The crewmen were nestled all snug in their bunks– except for the few who were partying drunks; And Picard …
Continue reading ‘A Star Trek: The Next Generation Christmas’ »
Mulder: We’re too late. It’s already been here. Scully: Mulder, I hope you know what you are doing. Mulder: Look, Scully, just like the other homes: Douglas fir, truncated, mounted, transformed into some sort of shrine; halls decked with boughs of holly; stockings hung by the chimney, with care. Scully: You really think someone’s been …
TO: Public release RE: Organizational Changes at the North Pole The recent announcement that Donner and Blitzen have elected to take the early reindeer retirement package has triggered a good deal of concern about whether they will be replaced, and about other restructuring decisions at the North Pole. Streamlining was necessary due to the North …
Continue reading ‘Organizational Changes at the North Pole’ »
Mental Health Care Ltd. To: All Home Managers From: Concerned Care Staff Date: 25th December Re: S. Claus We are having problems with the above named. He presents as being happy andjolly and walks around saying “Ho ho ho”. Additionally he has taken to referring to an imaginary animal called Rudolf and insists on wearing …
