Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don’t have film. When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty. Seen it all, done it all, can’t remember most of it. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don’t. I feel like I’m diagonally parked in a parallel universe. He’s not dead, He’s …
One night, a Delta twin-engine puddle jumper was flying somewhere above New Jersey. There were five people on board: the pilot, Michael Jordan, Bill Gates, the Dali Lama, and a hippie. Suddenly, an illegal oxygen generator exploded loudly in the luggage compartment, and the passenger cabin began to fill with smoke. The cockpit door opened, …
Ok, the story behind this… There’s this nutball who digs things out his back yard and sends the stuff he finds to the Smithsonian Institute, labeling them with scientific names, insisting that they are actual archeological finds. The really weird thing about these letters is that this guy really exists and does this in his …
A mangy looking guy named Harvey goes into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, “No way. I don’t think you can pay for it.” Harvey says, “You’re right. I don’t have any money, but if I show you something you haven’t seen before, will you give me a drink?” The bartender says, …
What is the difference between a tick and a lawyer? A tick falls off of you when you die. — Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients? To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service. — What can a goose do, a duck can’t, and a …
Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews. “Squawks” are problem listings that pilots generally leave for maintenance crews. Problem: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough. Solution: Autoland not installed on this aircraft. Problem #1: #2 Propeller seeping prop fluid. Solution #1: #2 …
True Stories of Induhviduals —————————- Those wacky Induhviduals continue to amuse. Here are some more true sighting submitted by DNRC operatives, edited to conceal the identities of the guilty. ——– Sign in a gas station: Coke — 49 cents. Two for a dollar ——– True conversation with an airline: DNRC Member: “I’m traveling on your …
Four surgeons were discussing their work. The first one said, “I think accountants are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is numbered.” The second said, “I think librarians are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is in alphabetical order.” The third said, ” …
An old guy is sitting on a bus when a punk rocker gets on. The punk rocker’s hair is red, green, yellow and orange. He has feather earrings. When he sees the old man staring at him, the punk rocker says “What’s the matter old man? Didn’t you ever do anything wild when you were …
In a recent contest, The Washington Post asked readers to dream up new elements for the Periodic Table. Among the best of the batch: Limbaughium Lb The heaviest known element. It possesses an ever-expanding mass. Very white. Acidic. Emits heat but no light. Instantly polarizes all elements that come in contact with it. Repels protons …
