A guy named Bob receives a free ticket to the Super Bowl from his company. Unfortunately, when Bob arrives at the stadium he realizes the seat is in the last row in the corner of the stadium – he’s closer to the Goodyear blimp than the field. About halfway through the first quarter, Bob notices …
Two men were walking home after a party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs. Right in the middle of the cemetery they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at …
WHAT A GUY REALLY MEANS…. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “I’m going fishing.” Really means… “I’m going to drink myself dangerously stupid and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety.” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “It’s a guy thing.” Really means…. “There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you …
The day finally arrived: Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven. He is met at the Pearly Gates by Saint Peter himself. The gates are closed, however, and Forrest approaches the gatekeeper. Saint Peter says, “Well, Forrest, it’s certainly good to see you. We have heard a lot about you. I must inform you that …
Women have more imagination than men. They need it to tell us how wonderful we are. Women have their faults. Men have only two: Everything they say; Everything they do. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. …
A man was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail when an exceptionally gorgeous & sexy young woman entered. She was so striking that the man could not take his eyes away from her. The young woman noticed his overly-attentive stare & walked directly toward him. Before he could offer his apologies for being …
For those who don’t know, this award is an annual honor given to the person who did the gene pool the biggest service by killing themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way; thus, eliminating his/her genetic material from the gene pool. For those of you who do know about the award, you may recall last …
Stop neglecting children; at least learn their names and birthdays Stop circulating the “Good Times Virus” and “Join the Crew” e-mail Read all of the mail from all of the lists I have subscribed to Limit my subscriptions of lists to a maximum of fifty Back-up 4 gig hard drive weekly; well, maybe at least …
Earlier this week, newspapers reported that Ted Kaczynski had attempted suicide in his cell. The truth can now be told. This was alleged only because a guard had overhead Ted singing: “I’m gonna sit right down and write myself a letter…”.
A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway, when he notices a sign. It reads “SISTERS OF MERCY HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION – 10 MILES”. He pays no attention to it and drives on without a second thought. Soon, he sees another sign which says “SISTERS OF MERCY HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION – 5 MILES” …
