Training

Training

Date: Thu, 30 Oct 1997 14:02:05 -0400

To: Employees From: Management

In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity from the employees, it will be our policy to keep all employees well trained through our new program of Special High Intensity Training (S.H.I.T.) We are trying to give our employees more S.H.I.T. than anyone else.

If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T. on the job, please see your manager. You will immediately be placed at the top of the S.H.I.T. list, and our managers are especially skilled at seeing that you get all the S.H.I.T. you can possibly handle.

Employees who don't take S.H.I.T. will be placed in Departmental Employee Evaluation Programs (D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T). Since our managers took S.H.I.T. before they were promoted, they don't have to do S.H.I.T. any more, and are full of S.H.I.T. already.

If you are full of S.H.I.T., you may be interested in job training others. We can add your name to our Basic Understanding Lecture List (B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T.). Those who are full of B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T. will get S.H.I.T. jobs, and can apply for promotion to Director of Intensity Programming (D.I.P.S.H.I.T.).

If you have further questions, please direct them to our Head of Training Special High Intensity Training (H.O.T.S.H.I.T.).

Thanks,

Your Boss In General (B.I.G.S.H.I.T.)