The Corporate Zodiac
The Corporate Zodiac
Date: Thu, 4 Sep 1997 16:32:15 -0400
Astrology tells us about you and your future simply by your
birthday.The Chinese Zodiac uses the year of your birth. Demographics
tell us what you like, dislike, whom you vote for, what you buy and what
you watch on television.
Well, the Corporate Zodiac goes a step further: simply by your job
title, people will have you all figured out...
MARKETING: You are ambitious yet stupid. You chose a marketing
degree to avoid having to study in college, concentrating instead
on drinking and socializing - which is pretty much what your
job responsibilities are now. Least compatible with Sales.
SALES: Laziest of all signs, often referred to as "marketing without a
degree", you are also self-centered and paranoid. Unless someone calls
you and begs you to take their money, you like to avoid contact
with "customers" so you can "concentrate on the big picture". You
seek admiration for your golf game throughout your life.
TECHNOLOGY: Unable to control anything in your personal life, you are
instead content to completely control everything that happens at
your workplace. Often even YOU don't understand what you are saying, but
who the hell can tell?! It is written that the Geeks shall inherit the
ENGINEERING: One of only two signs that actually studied in school, it
is said that ninety percent of all Personal Ads are placed by
engineers. You can be happy with yourself: your office is typically full
of all the latest "ergodynamic" gadgets. However, we all know what is
really causing your "carpal tunnel"...
ACCOUNTING: The only other sign that studied in school, you are
mostly immune from office politics. You are the most feared person in
the organization; combined with your extreme organizational traits,
the majority of rumors concerning you say that you are completely insane.
HUMAN RESOURCES: Ironically, given your access to confidential
information, you tend to be the biggest gossip within the
organization. Possibly the only other person that does less work
than marketing, you are unable to return any calls today because you have
to get a haircut, have lunch, AND mail a letter!
MIDDLE MANAGEMENT/ DEPARTMENT MANAGEMENT/ "TEAM LEADS": Catty,
cut-throat, yet completely spineless, you are destined to remain at
your current job for the rest of your life. Unable to make a single
decision you tend to measure your worth by the number of meetings you
can schedule for yourself. Best suited to marry other "Middle Managers",
as everyone in your social circle is a "Middle Manager".
SENIOR MANAGEMENT: Catty, cut-throat, yet completely spineless, you
are destined to remain at your current job for the rest of your
life. Unable to make a single decision you tend to measure your worth
by the number of meetings you can schedule for yourself. Best suited
to marry other "Senior Managers", as everyone in your social circle is
a "Senior Manager".
CUSTOMER SERVICE: Bright, cheery, positive, you are a fifty-cent cab
ride from taking your own life. As a child very few of you asked
your parents for a little cubicle for your room and a headset so you
could pretend to play "Customer Service". Continually passed over
for promotions, your best bet is to sleep with your manager.