Date: Tue, 23 Nov 1999 15:05:54 -0500
by Elliot Abrams, excerpted from the book,
"Weather Prognosticators and the Media: Fallacies, Facts,
and Fun in Forecasting", by Norm Macdonald
Turkeys will thaw in the morning, then warm in the oven to an
afternoon high near 190 F. The kitchen will turn hot and humid, and if
you bother the cook, be ready for a severe squall or cold shoulder.
During the late afternoon and evening, the cold front of a knife will
slice through the turkey, causing an accumulation of one to two inches
on plates. Mashed potatoes will drift across one side while cranberry
sauce creates slippery spots on the other. Please pass the gravy.
A weight watch and indigestion warning have been issued for the entire
area, with increased stuffiness around the beltway. During the
evening, the turkey will diminish and taper off to leftovers, dropping
to a low of 34 F in the refrigerator.
Looking ahead to Friday and Saturday, high pressure to eat sandwiches
will be established. Flurries of leftovers can be expected both days
with a 50 percent chance of scattered soup late in the day. We expect
a warming trend where soup develops. By early next week, eating
pressure will be low as the only wish left will be the bone.