Date: Wed, 5 Nov 1997 10:25:08 -0400
Bill, Hillary, and Al were in an airplane that crashed. They're up in
heaven, and God's sitting on the great white throne. God addresses Al
"Al, what do you believe in?"
Al replies, "Well, I believe that the combustion engine is evil and
that we need to save the world from CFCs and that if any more freon
is used, the whole earth will become a greenhouse and we'll all die."
God thinks for a second and says "Okay, I can live with that. Come
and sit at my left."
God then addresses Bill. "Bill, what do you believe in?"
Bill replies, "Well, I believe in power to the people. I think people
should be able to make their own choices about things and that no one
should ever be able to tell someone else what to do. I also believe
in feeling people's pain." God thinks for a second and says "Okay,
that sounds good. Come and sit at my right."
God then addressed Hillary. "Hillary, what do you believe in?"
"I believe you're in my chair."
Bill Clinton is visiting a elementary school. In one class, he asks the
students if anyone could give him an example of a "TRAGEDY"
One little boy stands up and says "If my best friend was playing in the
street and a car came along and hit him and killed him that would be a
"No" Clinton says "That would be an accident"
A girl raises her hand "If a school bus carring 50 children went off a
cliff killing them all that would be a "TRAGEDY".
"I'm afraid not" explained Clinton "That is what we would call a GREAT
The room is slient none of the other children volunteer. "What?" asks
Clinton. "Isn't there any one here who can give me an example of a
Finally a boy in the back of the room raises his hand and in a timid
voice says "If an airplane carrying Bill and Hillary Clinton was blown
up by a bomb "That would be a TRAGEDY".
"Wonderful" says Clinton "Can you tell me WHY that would be a TRAGEDY?
"Well" says the boy "Because if wouldn't be an ACCIDENT and it
certainly wouldn't be no GREAT LOSS."
President Clinton was to represent the United States of America on a
highly formal, orchestrated "state visit" to Great Britain. Air Force
One stopped at a bright red carpet along which the President strode to
join Queen Elizabeth II in a beautiful, ornate 17th-century coach
hitched to 6 enormous matched white horses. The coach proceeded through
the streets enroute to Buckingham Palace, the President and the Queen
alternating between exchanging pleasantries and waving each out their
respective windows to the cheering throngs. At one point, the right
rear horse produced a thunderous, cataclysmic fart that reverberated
through the air and rattled the doors of the coach. Presidents and
Queens are, first and foremost, human beings. Their first reaction was
to focus their attentions outside their respective windows, and behave
as if nothing extraordinary had happened. The Queen, steeped in decades
of experience living with the mundane and bizzare together, was the first
to realize that ignoring what had happened was ridiculous. "Mr. President,
please accept my regrets - - - I'm sure you understand that there are some
things that even a Queen cannot control." "Your Majesty, please don't
give the matter another thought; why, if you hadn't said something, I would
have thought it was one of the horses."