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Ahh, college. Eight of the best years of my life . . . .


Ahh, college. Eight of the best years of my life . . . .

Introductory Chemistry at Duke has been taught for about a zillion years by Professor Bonk (really), and his course is semi-affectionately known as "Bonkistry." He has been around forever, so I wouldn't put it past him to come up with something like this. Anyway, one year, there were these two guys who were taking Chemistry and who did pretty well on all of the quizzes and the midterms and labs, etc., such that going into the final they had a solid B+.

These two friends were so confident going into the final that the weekend before finals week (even though the Chem final was on Monday), they decided to go up to UVirginia and party with some friends up there. So they did this and had a great time. However, with their hangovers and everything, they overslept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Duke until early Monday morning. Rather than taking the final then, what they did was to find Professor Bonk after the final and explain to him why they missed the final. They told him that they went up to UVa for the weekend, and had planned to come back in time to study, but that they had a flat tire on the way back and didn't have a spare and couldn't get help for a long time and so were late getting back to campus. Bonk thought this over and then agreed that they could make up the final on the following day. The two guys were elated and relieved.

So, they studied that night and went in the next day at the time that Bonk had told them. He placed them in separate rooms and handed each of them a test booklet and told them to begin. They looked at the first problem, which was something simple about molarity and solutions and was worth 5 points. "Cool" they thought, "this is going to be easy." They did that problem and then turned the page.

They were unprepared, however, for what they saw on the next page. It said: (95 points) Which tire?

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A story from the mid-1930s, U. of Edinburgh medical school, second-term human physiology course, Prof. Kenneth Ivors, Instructor:

"Good morning, class. Before we begin today's lecture, I should like to discover how well ye have been tracking the previous material. Miss MacMaster, will ye stand?" {She stands.}

"Can you tell me, which organ of the body achieves 10 times its normal size when it is excited?" {She stammers, reddens, says nothing.}

"You may sit down. Mr. Campbell, can you answer that question?" "It is the pupil of the eye, sir."

"Very good. Now, Miss MacMaster, I have three things to say to you: One, you have not done your homework, two, you have a dirty mind, and three, you're in for a big disappointment."

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May 04, 2004
http://www.michaelclark.name/jokes/misc/college.shtml