Wall Street and business journalists love to predict trouble for

Wall Street and business journalists love to predict trouble for

companies in transition. Apple Computer's recent changes in management and the sale of Prodigy triggered a few recent rounds of fruitless pontificating and prophesies of doom. We at c|net's satire central know better: you can tell if your company is in *real* trouble if it's like this:

10. Your performance-related bonus: grocery coupons from last Sunday's paper.

9. The rats in the cafeteria are mumbling, "We're outta here."

8. Printed at the bottom of your paycheck: "Tune in next time for the shocking finale."

7. The receptionist has started asking visitors, "Do you want fries with that?"

6. Last year's Christmas party was held in the parking lot, where you were served Rice-a-Roni and Kool Aid.

5. The bank suggests that instead of creating new or better products, the company raise money with a bake sale.

4. Your ads read, "We lost less than Nick Leeson."

3. The CEO tries to cover business lunches with food stamps.

2. The CFO's latest plan for raising venture capital: goes to Wall Street with a Styrofoam cup and a sign reading, "Wife and 400 employees to support."

1. Stationery cabinet now stocked with large cardboard signs reading, "Will work for food."