Safety Tips for the Post-Nuclear Existence

Safety Tips for the Post-Nuclear Existence

Date: Tue, 1 Dec 1998 13:55:46 -0500

Safety Tips for the Post-Nuclear Existence

(1) Never use an elevator in a building that has been hit by a nuclear bomb; use the stairs.
(2) When you're flying through the air, remember to roll when you hit the ground.
(3) If you're on fire, avoid gasoline and other flammable materials.
(4) Don't attempt communication with dead people; it will only lead to psychological problems.
(5) Food will be scarce; you will have to scavenge. Learn to recognize foods that will be available after the bomb: mashed potatoes, shredded wheat, tossed salad, ground beef, etc.
(6) Put your hand over your mouth when you sneeze; internal organs will be scarce in the post-nuclear age.
(7) Try to be neat; fall only in designated piles.
(8) Drive carefully in "Heavy Fallout" areas; people could be staggering illegally.
(9) Nutritionally, hundred dollar bills are equal to ones, but more sanitary due to limited circulation.
(10) Accumulate mannequins now; spare parts will be in short supply on D-Day.